Sorry I haven't posted

Firstly sorry I haven't posted anything for a while, I possibly should have seeing as writing things down tends to make me feel better. But my frame of mind really wasn't in a good place.

But I am back at work, trying to look as if I am feeling better, I am not really feeling very good at all but I can't really have anymore time off. Work has been very good & they are easing me back into work, but I just don't want to be here at the moment.
Mind you I don't want to be anywhere!

But lets just get back to the enjoyable stuff. I have had a couple of dates, nothing worth talking about though, just a quick drink with them.

Date number 1: Met him for a drink, after the ONE drink he wanted me to get in his car with him.....NOOOOOO!!!! That takes at least 3 dates, a meal & a hotel!

Date number 2: was a non-starter.....just someone I was chatting to, I actually went to school with him, he asked me if I fancied meeting for a drink but then told me he had saved some of my personal facebook pictures so he could show people his girlfriend......WHAT THE HELL! No they are my pictures, I am not anyones girlfriend. And he even told me that I could go to his work on New Years Eve & drink champange (cava) with him while he worked....hes a pot man in a social club! As I said NON-STARTER!!!!

Date number 3: Someone I grew up with contacted me & asked me to meet him for a drink, seeing as I knew him & his family I said yes. I told my family where I was going & who I was going with. I picked him up...the cheek, the pub we were going to is near my home. So I picked him up & he had been drinking all day & stunk of booze, turn off. When I managed to get a good look at him I realised that he had a funny shaped head, horrible clothes & I really didn't like his shoes. I know I am shallow but I really don't care. He managed to sink 3 pints in under an hour & all I had was one coke! As soon as I could I took him home, to his mothers, oh good god he lives with his mother! He decided to sing along to the radio, George Michaels A Different Corner, now as much as I love george I hate that song! So date number 3 was another wash out!

So now I am flirting with a friend & just seeing what happens. Obviously I will keep you all update if anything happens & I will also try & be a better blogger & keep you updated with all my news xx

Just a bit of a rant!

As you all know I suffer with depression, now I always know when it is getting bad, at the moment I am hitting a low, some of you might have noticed that I haven't really posted very much on Facebook recently, I just like to keep myself to myself when I am having a bad episode.
But what helps my depression is the fact that I have a dog, now this dog of mine was rescued by myself & my children from a house in Croydon where he had been abused to such an extreme he was afraid of bikes, men, children, going outside & pushchairs. He was going bald, had a skin condition, was under fed, had never been on a lead, had never been walked, but as soon as we opened the car door he happily got into it.
Between myself & my children we have got him to his recommended weight, his skin condition has cleared up & his fur has grown back. We are overcoming his phobias one step at a time, he walks confidently now, due to my son having a bike he has now gotten used to that, my 4 year old niece has spent time in my house helping him to get used to children, his phobia of men is slowly being overcome with the help of my dad & my brother coming to my house.
But mainly I now use him as an emotional support dog, this is now documented that dogs can help with depression:

How Dogs Help Symptoms of Depression

Dogs can help symptoms of depression because they are pack animals and instinctively form close bonds with other members of their "pack" or family. By their very nature, they will help provide emotional support to other members of their pack by being loyal and affectionate companions.

Physical Touch

• The sheer presence of a dog is calming - you're instinctively drawn to stroke or pet them. This can be especially helpful for people suffering from anxiety disorders or panic attacks  

• The sense of Touch is hugely beneficial psychologically - the act of stroking your pet can be soothing, and so improve your mood if you are down or depressed. It can also lower your blood pressure and stress levels.

Affection and Self Esteem

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• Pets are uncomplicated - they don't have their own agendas and they love you unconditionally
• Caring for another living being and receiving affection in return is great for anyone's self-esteem - 
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• especially if you are lonely, bereaved or depressed.

Reducing Isolation and loneliness

• Dogs are a talking point and "social lubricant"- small as it may seem a simple exchange of pleasantries between dog owners in the park can be hugely helpful if you are feeling isolated, depressed or anxious. They also tend to be a good supply of silly stories to help break the ice

• Dog-related activities can form the beginnings of new hobbies, friendships. Activities vary from basic obedience to flyball or dog agility classes.

Taking Responsibility

• In rescuing a support dog you are taking on responsibility for the care and wellbeing of another living being, even if it has four paws instead of two legs! Hugely rewarding though it may be, its also a big responsibility and not a small undertaking to be cast aside or left behind lightly. When you are feeling rock bottom your responsibility as guardian to the dog you rescued can be a 
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• lifeline.

Relationship Building

• In rescuing a dog, you are effectively acquiring a new member of your family or pack, which, 
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• like any relationship, will grow with trust, respect, loving bonds but also bring its share of relationshp tension and challenges to be worked through, much like a relationship with a human family member might do.

Managing Thoughts and Feelings

• Dogs don't understand our verbal conversation, they read us at a much more fundamental level of energy and emotional state - you can't lie to a dog ! They instictively know when you are projective negative energy because you are feeling down, upset and respond.
• Dog's behave best when they are exposed to positive calm assertive energy, if you are stressed, tense, anxious, frustrated, or upset, your dog will be less responsive to your commands and more likely to, say, pull on the lead or not return when you call. To be a successful calm assertive pack leader for your dog, you first need to be self aware of your own emotions and state of mind and how affects your dog.
• When you achieve a calm, assertive, confident state of mind, your dog wiill perform at his best and be your perfect companion. Over time acquiring the skill of being a calm assertive pack leader will help you manage your mind, emotions and stress levels more effectively, enabling you to cope better with life's difficulties and stay positive more often.

Exercise and Routine

• Dogs get you out of the house - fresh air, physical exercise and a change of scene are proven to help boost people's mood and ease depression symptoms
• Caring for a dog helps form a daily routine and structure that can help keep you going, one foot after the other. No matter how depressed you are, your dog still needs feeding and walking!

Laughter

• Last but far from least - they really can make you laugh in spite of your depression when they inevitably do very silly, daft things

How has your dog helped you?

If you have any positive stories to add to this list then send them to us using our feedback form.

A few things to cover here.....

Sorry I was meant to write this last week, but of course life has got in the way as it does. But I have some good news for those who aren't friends of mine on Facebook, I am dating someone exclusively & he is making me happy & I am enjoying spending time with him. It's early days & I lie him a lot so that's all the information you will be getting for now, I might in time tell you more about this very grown up man that has entered my life but for now I really want to keep this to myself.

But in other news, my kids have been away to their fathers family in Spain & they seemed to have a good time, I missed them loads & I was so pleased to see them home, until of course normal family life resumed & we all starting arguing like children again!

I know in my last blog that I said I was at court with my friend as I wanted to support her during what has been quite traumatic for her family. She married her childhood sweetheart & it should have been all hearts & flowers but instead it was abuse & drugs. Her children suffered & he spent sometime in a foreign prison for trying to smuggle drugs into the country, but still she supported him. When he came back to this country he told her that he couldn't work due to his probation, now my friend is extremely gullible, but I love her, she believed him. So she continued to be the only person in the house that worked & good does she work hard.
Then she found out he was having an affair with a neighbour in the road that they lived, they moved to this house because he was having an affair with another woman, he moved I. With this other woman until the kids hounded her to take him back......so she did! Then hallelujah he announced one night, while I was there to his friend that they were splitting up, we looked at each other in shocked with me saying did you know?
But this meant that they had to sell up, the house thankfully was only in her name, he demanded that she pay him off, she did. He found a flat that we the taxpayers of this country pay for. All is gng ok for her, until they have to move again because of neighbours from hell & she met another man. Then the abuse starts again, vile text messages & threats. Her son moved in with his dad. Eventually she ended the relationship because her kids played up.
She then met another man, who is very nice to her, kind, accepting of the kids behaviour, all kids play up & obviously loves her a great deal.
They have now been together about 18 months & it looks like this will be a permanent relationship. But one night her daughter who is now 18 let her dad into her mums house, he has never been allowed in there, he proceeded to attack her partner, punching him with keys wrapped around his hand, kicking him when he went down, then left the property. The police were called & they took my friends phone as evidence of harassment to her as well has the assault on her partner.
Her estranged husband was arrested, they are not divorced yet even though they have been separated 4 1/2 years as he refuses to sign any papers. He admitted all the charges & it went to court where he pleaded not guilty, so now we all had to wait until it went back to court & my friend & her partner would have to stand up in court & give evidence against him. While it was waiting to go to court bail conditions were set, the usual, no contact directly or indirectly, do not go near the property. But still the husband sent vile text messages to my friend, I had to bully her into telling the police that he had broke his bail conditions, he then went back to court where they slapped him on the wrist & told him not to break them again.
Then my friend found out from her daughter that her dad had given her drugs to try & she was frightened, the police were called again because he sent threatening text messages to the daughter, so back he goes again regarding his bail conditions & yet again it's a slap on the wrist & don't break them again.
We then get to the court date, the night before he sent a message via their son to tell my friend if they turned up to give evidence there would be someone outside waiting for them, the police were aware of this & brought a uniformed officer to the court to sit in the room, now I could have taken this uniformed man down with my little finger.....we needed a butch one!
When the husband realised that my friend had gotten strong & was there he changed his plea to guilty, my friends partner still had to give evidence about the keys being in his hand but thankfully my friend didn't have to.
But I was shocked to my core when I saw my friends husband, I haven't seen him for about 4 years, he has had all his teeth removed, now my friend paid for those in the first place so I think she should have at least gotten them back in the divorce settlement! He was thin & dirty looking, he has had to live with his parents for a while as he has been ill with kidney stones. But I actually felt sorry for him, he is a shadow of the man he once was.
He is now awaiting sentencing next month & will probably just get community service but it means he will have this on record.

It's really is an example of what one more woman has had to put up with, so please if you are living in a situation that isn't acceptable, whether you are male or female, tell someone, report it to the police. No-one has to put up with this.

Maybe next time I will tell you more about my new relationship because there is a story ther for you all to read.......xx

Let go of the bitterness

I think this is a very apt title for this blog, I am currently sitting in Guildford court, in the witness room, as support for a friend of mine, who will be giving evidence today against the husband she is separated from. But more about that later.

Firstly I would like to make some things very clear, my ex husband divorced me 13 years ago stating the reason as adultery, but I never actually had an affair, he wanted a quick divorce & told me that I could either divorce him for adultery or he would me, if I'd known then what I know now I would have divorced him as he was having an affair. I have no problem with this & I am very open & honest about it, but he needs to get over it, move on & let go of the bitterness it will just eat away at him. I could be bitter about him paying a pittance maintenance for his children, or I could be bitter about being made to sell our home, making our children homeless & living like gypsies for years, but what's the point? It doesn't change what's happened, it's not going to get you anywhere, bitterness will only make you ill.

Now today the reason I am sat in a witness room in a court is because my friend & her partner were attacked by her estranged husband, they have been separated for 4 1/2 years but he can't move on, he will not sign the divorce papers. I can't go into details due to it going to court today.

When you have children you really have to be reasonable for their sakes, you are both still their parents, they will always need to have you in their lives & you have to remember at one point you loved the other person enough to create a family with them....

So angry

Right I know I haven't had anything to say for a while but you just aren't going to believe this!
I was contacted by a friends ex, they weren't together long & he asked me if I fancied going out for a drink, I spoke to my friend & she was perfectly ok with this so I met him for a coffee, not at all dressed up, I was off to the pub job!

He had been texting me & phoning & I explained because of the history I would only be friends with him. Towards the end of last week, he was calling me & saying that his youngest daughter wasn't well, she had had cancer when she was younger & they were concerned that it had returned. Now with any friend I would say the same thing, I am here if you need me, even if you just want to let of steam & chat.

So he text & called to say that he was off to Kettering to see her & find out what was going on, he text me when he arrived & said that things weren't looking good & they were arranging a transfer to Royal Marsden. Now I don't know about you but I have always assumed that if you are being transferred you would go in an ambulance, not this family, they went in his car on the Saturday evening.....

I had a nice lazy day on Sunday, killed out with my son, watched a couple of films, had text messages from this man telling me that his daughter would be having tests in the morning.

As you all know I have a low level of trust, when my friend was dating this man, I didn't trust him, she was never allowed to know where he lived, thank god I pay for people tracer, great website if you are Internet dating, she was not allowed to meet his kids, that I understand, he was always cancelling dates & when he did turn up he went home early. Well because of this low level of trust that I have of all people, men & women, I decided it was time to do some digging.....I called Kettering hospital & said I was checking that that transfer had gone ok, they had no record of this young lady......I then called Royal Marsden.......I told them that I wanted to send a care package to my friend that had been admitted on Saturday evening......NO RECORD!

Does that mean she is not in there? Does this mean he has been lying to me? Is this a HUGE mistake on his part? Does he not realise that I WILL confront him on this & I will get my revenge, but what really really ticks me off, notice that lack of swearing, is the fact that children are the most precious things that we are given & no self respecting parent would ever use their child as an excuse, especially with the reason being her cancer has returned. This is one sick & twisted man.......there will be more to follow on this subject! xx

Extra Job & more

As some of you will know I have just started a 2nd job, as a barmaid, how long it will last I just don't know but there are some characters there. I have met a couple of grave diggers, see we are back on the funeral theme, a man that parked his horse outside, I watch a man fall of a chair & managed not to laugh. The average age in the pub has to 110, so there is no chance of meeting a man there! Unless I want someone with a dodgy heart!!!!

But moving on......I do have a date this weekend, I can't tell you too much as I want to keep this to myself until I know what I am going to do about it. It is slightly complicated & maybe I should tell you all about it as I think I am going to need advice on this one!

Say what you mean......

Men, a lot of you complain that no one (good) responds to your online profile.
That’s probably because you are using specific words that are important, not because of what you think they mean, but because what they say to us, the women reading your profiles. To assist you, I have identified and defined the top 11. You’ll thank me later.

What You Men Say in your Profile, What it Means to Us Women

1. Laid back –Every. Guy. Says. This. Also, every girl interprets this in their own way. For example, I interpret it to mean “lazy.” A friend of mine thinks it means you want us to be ok with you flirting excessively with other girls. Laid back will never mean anything good, same goes with “down to earth,” and sometimes “open minded,” but…

2. Open minded – You like anal. Or you’re a liberal. It’s the same really though, isn’t it?

3. “Eternal,” “beautiful moments” or “sensitive” – You cry a lot. Especially when you don’t get your way.

4. Looking to just hang out-You will be calling us only for sex.

5. Looking to take it slow- You want to get married, or at least date seriously right away.

6. Looking to get married -You are a crazy person, or foreign.

7. Soulmate or snuggling- Just…just no. Nobody REALLY uses those words, unless they are talking to their five year old or watching a Lifetime movie. Some women will read those words and interpret them as romantic. 99% of women will interpret this as unrealistic and delusional.

8. No drama- I am fairly closed off to my emotions, but this doesn’t stop me from going after girls who are incredibly high maintenance.

9. Looking for an independent woman-I’d like you to have a job that supports you. Please. It’s 2009.

10. Partner in crime :) -I’d like you not only to approve of everything I do, please do it with me. (I was mystified by this and had to ask a few guys)

11. “Work out,” “fit,” “athletic”- YES, we get it. No fatties. No chubbies. No ladies who are larger than a size 4. We get it, but you need to be realistic......REAL women are curvy!!!!

To be fair, now let’s do a female version.

What Women Say on Their Profiles, and What It Really Means

First, may I say after having gone through many female profiles, men, I am sorry. Women DO want a lot. At least the ones I looked at did. The following is a fairly typical excerpt: You have to be funny - I'm completely yours if you make me laugh! Not to brag, but I'm SMARTER than a primary school kid so you have to be damn near MENSA to hang with me. I like being active and adventurous, so you have to be the same -- Sorry! What I'm most attracted to is a boy next door with high morals, values, and principles. I want someone that I can bring home to my family... :)

Wow. That is specific. Anyway, the ladies profiles tend to be more original and at least SOUND more sincere. They also have a higher propensity to quote Dr. Suess. I’m not sure what that means, scientifically. But seriously, I could only find 3 constants that seem to mean the same thing to everyone:

1. I really like Twilight-I’ll ultimately be ok with an abusive relationship (kidding, ladies, kidding)

2. Assertive, “goal-oriented,” mature-please have a job that allows you to support yourself without living with your parents or mooching off of me.

3. Looking for a “special” (or unique) guy-I would like you to tell me I’m special or unique.
Why do women have such differences when every online guy profile seems to be the same guy with a different picture? Because the women I saw online were very, very direct and clear in conveying who they were and what they wanted. One woman said specifically: I do NOT want to be the dominant one in the relationship. I will NOT email you first. Ok, lady.
So I’m proud of you, women. Sure, your profiles went into almost painful detail about your daily schedule and how often you travel. Sure, you composed medium to long lists of what you don’t want in a man. At least you put your true self out there. But guys, you have the advantage because you can see who these ladies really are, and what they really want. And that’s what online dating is truly about.