Have you missed me????

Sorry I haven't written for a while, sometimes life just takes over, but I am sorry that I have neglected you :(
Anyway back to it, I havent dated at all since the chef....the limp & man bag just put me off.....well it would really!
This blog isn't really about me dating, sorry, this is more about what my life is like at the moment, I find it quite theraputic to write about everything & sometimes you just have to get it out there to let it go.
So the past 12 months have actually been a bit shitty for me, I had a bit of a breakdown last May, to the point where I just wanted to end it all, but thankfully I have such a strong network of family around me that they got me through it. Certain things made me very unhappy & some people brought me to breaking point, but I have realised that the problem isn't mine it is actually theirs.
If you don't already know I suffer with depression & I have done for about 19 years, I have no problem discussing mental health issues, some people never have any issues but some people have major ones. I am one of those that has some big problems dealing with depression, this doesn't mean that I am constantly weeping & wailing, unless you know me well you probably wouldn't even know that I suffer with depression. Just because I have depression doesn't mean that I can't laugh & joke, people with mental health issues do still have a sense of humour.

Ok so you now all know that I have depression, probably the reason why I have been so quiet for a while. But I have actually been quite busy, we have had the builders in renovating the estate where I live.....quite nice to look at until they open their mouths! So we have been living in a building site for the past year, mud, dirt & more mud. Walking the dog has been interesing, especially as he tends to walk me. I have only managed to fall over the once, but I was covered in mud & all anyone was interested in was if the dog is ok!!!!! Yes he is fine, but my bum is bruised!

I have spent alot of time thinking over my past & the disasterous relationships that I get into & the possible reasons why......I mean lets face it, I have been with a control freak, a married man, a stalker, a verbal/mental abusive man & some general weirdos. So what is it that drawers them to me???? I think it might be because I actually suffer from low self esteem, but think about this when you feel low about yourself you arent actually strong enough to deal with the blood suckers out there, now I am strong enough I actually don't want to deal with them! I am happy as a strong independent women & I like the fact that I can actually do as I want.

Don't get me wrong, I love dating, it makes life interesting, but I am not one of these needy women that have to have a man. I know women that will happily settle for anyone, but I will not settle. I want someone perfect for me, someone that accepts all my faults, lets me have my freedom & can cope with the fact that I am very close to my family.....OMG I know who this perfect man is.....its my DOG!!!!!

I know women that like men they can control, but I like my men to have a backbone, no-one really wants some drippy bloke that you can walk all over, wheres the fun in that, wheres the passion. I have truly loved one man & he was a mans man, he could stand up to me & my mistake was to love him too much, he didn't love me back. I will always look back at that relationship with rose tinted glasses, even though I know just how dangerous he was.

Well hopefully the next time I write it will be full of humour & not so much about my mental health. But should you want to know anything, groups, where to get help from just ask. As long as we all help each other we can get through this.

Bye xx

Chef

Ok so I thought I would dip my toe in the dating water yet again. I started seeing a chef, due to his hours of work I never saw him till late at night & only once a week, which suited me as I can be a bit lazy when it comes to anything interfering in my home life.
Well he seemed like the perfect gentleman, always letting me walk before him, thats right walk 5 paces behind me I am the boss! Opening doors, taking me to dimly lit romantic places. About time I hear you scream....
Anyway, we never really managed to see much of each other so we decided to meet up at covent garden during the school holidays for a day out, lunch, drinks that sort of thing. I managed to get there first & just text to say where I would meet him, oh shit how would I recognise him in the daylight........!
Oh hell I couldn't miss him....he had a man bag & a limp how has this happened to me. Ok drink is the only way to get through the day.....

How did I end up getting back into dating??

I suppose I should tell you all about how come I have ended up dating in my forties, what I hear you scream you are in your forties??? I know people I am looking good! And yes I have a sense of humour to go along with it!
Anyway, you all know how it goes, boy meets girl, boy marries girl, HUGE white wedding, well pink really, life returns to normal!
Really my ex husband & I were far to young to get married, when I look at my daughter now I cant imagine her getting married in 2 years time but I was only 20 & as silly as arseholes! But we got married, I should have just had a 21st party that year, it would have been cheaper! Thankfully 12 years after we got divorced my ex has finally agreed that we were just to young.
I am thankful that we had our 2 kids, ok so they drive me insane but I wouldn't change a thing & they are my whole world.
So the ex & I are married, mortgaged & have 2 kids, time to grow up, well that ends up being the woman's job & the men just carry on going out, drinking, playing football & so it happens chasing women!
Now the ex started off as a nice guy but somewhere along the line he became what can only be classed as a knob! Thankfully my mum brought me up to realise that revenge is silent.....ladies this is where you start taking notes:
If he comes in late - take his toothbrush in your right hand & proceed to the toilet, what you will now do is clean it, really give it a good scrub, well you aren't going to kiss him any time soon are you?
If he dares to answer you back - toothbrush again, for this you need a pet of some sort, dogs are the best, cos your dog will now be the only one in your street with minty fresh breath.
Whoops dropped his steak on the floor, quick brush it off, put it on his plate & watch him really enjoy his dinner.
Ok so that is all quite childish but it realy does make you feel so much better......
After 9 years of marriage it sadly ended, these things happen & it was actually no-ones fault just one of those things.
But then after brushing myself off, picking myself up I am back to the dating game & along the way I have met many absolute knobs & had some extremley funny dates & some met some interesting people. But utimately I am still single, but that is actually how I like it.
I have learnt some valuable lessons & learnt about myself & the things I like & the men that I am attracted to I just hope you enjoy the ride!

My first try at internet dating.......

I suppose I should tell you how I got into internet dating in the first place, I blame my friend Julie, she told me it was a laugh & as I was bored I decided that why not lets give it a go. I was given instructions on what to put on my profile & I stand by this completely : I don't not want to watch you masturbate on camera, You will not see me masturbate on camera, I will not send you pictures. Anyway she signed me up to GIRLS DATE FOR FREE, yes its free!!!! Within an hour theres hundreds of views, ok so maybe not hundreds but a girls got to have ambition. One man caught my eye, nice looking, his profile was funny & he kept coming to look at mine. Being brave, I am behind a computer, I sent him a message telling him to stop viewing me & chat, & he did!!! Wayhey!
The only drawback is he lives in Swindon! Thats ok we can just chat, eases me back into the dating scene. So we chat for a while, I told him where I worked, not where I live & within a week of us chatting I am getting flowers, then shoes.......ahhhhhh he had me at shoes!
He tells me he owns his own business & its successful, HELLO I have a live one! Not that I am all about the money but its nice to get presents!
But he wants to meet me & would I like to come to Swindon, he will put me up in a hotel & pay for it & he will stay at his house......OMG this man is a gentleman!!! Hell yes I am going to Swindon!
Now the hotel was out of this world, the Pear Tree at Purton if you ever get chance go there, lovely 5 star jobby. I met him just off the motorway so he could lead me to the hotel. All I knew was that his car was a MR2 gold thing, it meant nothing to me, turns out the car was famous in its own right, music videos, films, video games oh & porn magazines.....!
Now I had a lovely weekend & he was a complete gent, he paid for everything, so I thought I may as well see him again. This went on for a while, me travelling to swindon & him paying for everything, even to the point of him buying me a car, mobile phone & gucci handbag. Now that really makes me sound terrible but I always travelled there, the phone was so he could call me & it would cost nothing, the bag was a christmas gift.
Eventually I stayed at his house & different things started to fall into place, the house wasn't quite what he made it out to be, but we all stretch the truth now & then, the business wasn't quite as successful as he said, now money doesn't bother me, possessions don't interest me, but being lied to does.
The final couple of straws that broke me were when I realised that his funny profile was actually true:

LADIES IF YOU THINK THAT THIS IS 6 INCHES -------- THEN I AM THE MAN FOR YOU

Oh yes dear god it was like throwing a sausages up an alley & thats after I have had my designer vagina! lol & when we were out for dinner one evening he asked me to put his denture glue in my handbag, yes my gucci bag!!!!

But I ended it in a very low way, I managed to change the name on the log book to the car over to me, it was a gift so it was mine! I took the sim out of the phone, I liked the phone not then number & I sent it back to him! Now thats no worse than texting "Your're dumped"...........and that is how I became single 4 years ago!

Its been a while....

So I haven't written much for a while, but then again I haven't dated anyone that has been interesting enough to write about!
But I did have a couple of men that I was dating at the same time, dating them not sleeping with them I have to make that clear from the off. One a chef, seemed nice enough the other a builder interested me but was too vague about a date...the cheek of it lol. Anyway, I went for a coffee with the chef I can't honestly say that there was anything that made me think phowar I fancy him but looks arent everything but its nice to have something to look at when you are snogging the face off them, yes I open my eyes now & then!
The builder I invited on a night out, had a laugh, had a dance then drove him home....NOTHING! Am I losing my touch????
The text's still flew & forwards between us until the fateful day he sent me a text ending it with about 5 kisses, I knew it wasnt for me. I of course replied that I thought he had sent it to the wrong person & he told me that it was meant for a work collegue, now is it just me or did I fail to say he is a BUILDER working with lots of MEN, I don't know any men that send 5 kisses to other men unless of course they are in a relationship. So after I had finished laughing I text him back that he needs to keep the women in his phone book seperate or make life easier just delete my number!
Now the chef, single dad, big drinker. I have been out with single dads before & like us single mums its a hard job, but mixing that with having to drink the amount that he does I really don't want to go down that road again. I am also far to stubborn to text him first lol.
Oh I did go on another date, a lunch date, the picture that he sent me was rather blurry but I can't let that put me off. So off I go for lunch in a lovely little pub, I got there first & brought my own drink. I could see this nice car pull into the car park, mentally rubbing my hands together BINGO! When the man got out of the car I thought it cant be him he looks about my dads age & reminds me off my uncle.....this particular uncle has been dead for about 5 years, so yes he looks like a corpse......no it can't be him! Guess what yes you got it right it was him! GREAT how the hell am I going to get out of this???? Well he came into the pub & I was pleasant I stayed & had a drink with him, but the WEDDING RING put me off!!!
Really what is it with you lot????? Again I am talking about dead bodies & married men!
Ladies if you are reading this I could do with a date, we need something other than 50 shades to read......x

Why lie????

Sorry I haven't had much to say lately.......but I have a question, why do men feel the need to lie about themselves or their age?
I was asked out for a drink by a man who said he was separated & in his forties. That will be nice, I did ask to see a picture, well I like to know who I am meeting, it was blurred & slightly in the distance but he looked ok, yes I am shallow but you need something pleasant to look at while you are having a drink.
So anyway we arranged to meet for a lunchtime drink, quick getaway for us both. I was sitting in a lovely little pub with a small glass of wine, when an older gentleman approached me & introduced himself as my lunch date! Imagine my horror, this man is in his 60's & actually looks like my uncle, who died 3 years ago & yes I do mean he looks like a corpse......
Now my parents brought me up with good manners so I sat & chatted to him. He then proceeded to tell me that he is not actually separated, I'm thinking ok at his age he could be widowed, no that old chesnut "wife doesn't understand him"!
OMG get me out of here!!!! I then had to explain that while separated men are ok to date, I will not under any circumstances date married men, done that before!
After the one drink & yes it does only take me one drink I said that I really had to go.
Now do I give up on dating or do I carry on & see what else is out there......maybe just for your amusement I should carry on???? Let me know what you think x

What is it with men????

Now I need something answered......Why is it that you go on a date with a man, everything seems to be going ok, he likes you, you like him, he tells you that he wants to see you again, great you think, so why is it he doesn't ring or text, keep a woman interested for crying out loud!
We like to be chased, we want a text that says morning, have a good day!
We aren't asking for flowers, chocolates or undying love all we actually want is a little bit of interest....it isn't hard!!!!!!
I am now at the point where I think its time to just throw in the towel & give it up! But then surely there is someone for everyone?????
So come on men at least tell us what is it that you want? Is it that we don't jump into bed with you? Too much respect for ourselves to do that! Is it that we have minds of our own?
What are you looking for????
x