Just a bit of a rant!

As you all know I suffer with depression, now I always know when it is getting bad, at the moment I am hitting a low, some of you might have noticed that I haven't really posted very much on Facebook recently, I just like to keep myself to myself when I am having a bad episode.
But what helps my depression is the fact that I have a dog, now this dog of mine was rescued by myself & my children from a house in Croydon where he had been abused to such an extreme he was afraid of bikes, men, children, going outside & pushchairs. He was going bald, had a skin condition, was under fed, had never been on a lead, had never been walked, but as soon as we opened the car door he happily got into it.
Between myself & my children we have got him to his recommended weight, his skin condition has cleared up & his fur has grown back. We are overcoming his phobias one step at a time, he walks confidently now, due to my son having a bike he has now gotten used to that, my 4 year old niece has spent time in my house helping him to get used to children, his phobia of men is slowly being overcome with the help of my dad & my brother coming to my house.
But mainly I now use him as an emotional support dog, this is now documented that dogs can help with depression:

How Dogs Help Symptoms of Depression

Dogs can help symptoms of depression because they are pack animals and instinctively form close bonds with other members of their "pack" or family. By their very nature, they will help provide emotional support to other members of their pack by being loyal and affectionate companions.

Physical Touch

• The sheer presence of a dog is calming - you're instinctively drawn to stroke or pet them. This can be especially helpful for people suffering from anxiety disorders or panic attacks  

• The sense of Touch is hugely beneficial psychologically - the act of stroking your pet can be soothing, and so improve your mood if you are down or depressed. It can also lower your blood pressure and stress levels.

Affection and Self Esteem

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• Pets are uncomplicated - they don't have their own agendas and they love you unconditionally
• Caring for another living being and receiving affection in return is great for anyone's self-esteem - 
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• especially if you are lonely, bereaved or depressed.

Reducing Isolation and loneliness

• Dogs are a talking point and "social lubricant"- small as it may seem a simple exchange of pleasantries between dog owners in the park can be hugely helpful if you are feeling isolated, depressed or anxious. They also tend to be a good supply of silly stories to help break the ice

• Dog-related activities can form the beginnings of new hobbies, friendships. Activities vary from basic obedience to flyball or dog agility classes.

Taking Responsibility

• In rescuing a support dog you are taking on responsibility for the care and wellbeing of another living being, even if it has four paws instead of two legs! Hugely rewarding though it may be, its also a big responsibility and not a small undertaking to be cast aside or left behind lightly. When you are feeling rock bottom your responsibility as guardian to the dog you rescued can be a 
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• lifeline.

Relationship Building

• In rescuing a dog, you are effectively acquiring a new member of your family or pack, which, 
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• like any relationship, will grow with trust, respect, loving bonds but also bring its share of relationshp tension and challenges to be worked through, much like a relationship with a human family member might do.

Managing Thoughts and Feelings

• Dogs don't understand our verbal conversation, they read us at a much more fundamental level of energy and emotional state - you can't lie to a dog ! They instictively know when you are projective negative energy because you are feeling down, upset and respond.
• Dog's behave best when they are exposed to positive calm assertive energy, if you are stressed, tense, anxious, frustrated, or upset, your dog will be less responsive to your commands and more likely to, say, pull on the lead or not return when you call. To be a successful calm assertive pack leader for your dog, you first need to be self aware of your own emotions and state of mind and how affects your dog.
• When you achieve a calm, assertive, confident state of mind, your dog wiill perform at his best and be your perfect companion. Over time acquiring the skill of being a calm assertive pack leader will help you manage your mind, emotions and stress levels more effectively, enabling you to cope better with life's difficulties and stay positive more often.

Exercise and Routine

• Dogs get you out of the house - fresh air, physical exercise and a change of scene are proven to help boost people's mood and ease depression symptoms
• Caring for a dog helps form a daily routine and structure that can help keep you going, one foot after the other. No matter how depressed you are, your dog still needs feeding and walking!

Laughter

• Last but far from least - they really can make you laugh in spite of your depression when they inevitably do very silly, daft things

How has your dog helped you?

If you have any positive stories to add to this list then send them to us using our feedback form.

A few things to cover here.....

Sorry I was meant to write this last week, but of course life has got in the way as it does. But I have some good news for those who aren't friends of mine on Facebook, I am dating someone exclusively & he is making me happy & I am enjoying spending time with him. It's early days & I lie him a lot so that's all the information you will be getting for now, I might in time tell you more about this very grown up man that has entered my life but for now I really want to keep this to myself.

But in other news, my kids have been away to their fathers family in Spain & they seemed to have a good time, I missed them loads & I was so pleased to see them home, until of course normal family life resumed & we all starting arguing like children again!

I know in my last blog that I said I was at court with my friend as I wanted to support her during what has been quite traumatic for her family. She married her childhood sweetheart & it should have been all hearts & flowers but instead it was abuse & drugs. Her children suffered & he spent sometime in a foreign prison for trying to smuggle drugs into the country, but still she supported him. When he came back to this country he told her that he couldn't work due to his probation, now my friend is extremely gullible, but I love her, she believed him. So she continued to be the only person in the house that worked & good does she work hard.
Then she found out he was having an affair with a neighbour in the road that they lived, they moved to this house because he was having an affair with another woman, he moved I. With this other woman until the kids hounded her to take him back......so she did! Then hallelujah he announced one night, while I was there to his friend that they were splitting up, we looked at each other in shocked with me saying did you know?
But this meant that they had to sell up, the house thankfully was only in her name, he demanded that she pay him off, she did. He found a flat that we the taxpayers of this country pay for. All is gng ok for her, until they have to move again because of neighbours from hell & she met another man. Then the abuse starts again, vile text messages & threats. Her son moved in with his dad. Eventually she ended the relationship because her kids played up.
She then met another man, who is very nice to her, kind, accepting of the kids behaviour, all kids play up & obviously loves her a great deal.
They have now been together about 18 months & it looks like this will be a permanent relationship. But one night her daughter who is now 18 let her dad into her mums house, he has never been allowed in there, he proceeded to attack her partner, punching him with keys wrapped around his hand, kicking him when he went down, then left the property. The police were called & they took my friends phone as evidence of harassment to her as well has the assault on her partner.
Her estranged husband was arrested, they are not divorced yet even though they have been separated 4 1/2 years as he refuses to sign any papers. He admitted all the charges & it went to court where he pleaded not guilty, so now we all had to wait until it went back to court & my friend & her partner would have to stand up in court & give evidence against him. While it was waiting to go to court bail conditions were set, the usual, no contact directly or indirectly, do not go near the property. But still the husband sent vile text messages to my friend, I had to bully her into telling the police that he had broke his bail conditions, he then went back to court where they slapped him on the wrist & told him not to break them again.
Then my friend found out from her daughter that her dad had given her drugs to try & she was frightened, the police were called again because he sent threatening text messages to the daughter, so back he goes again regarding his bail conditions & yet again it's a slap on the wrist & don't break them again.
We then get to the court date, the night before he sent a message via their son to tell my friend if they turned up to give evidence there would be someone outside waiting for them, the police were aware of this & brought a uniformed officer to the court to sit in the room, now I could have taken this uniformed man down with my little finger.....we needed a butch one!
When the husband realised that my friend had gotten strong & was there he changed his plea to guilty, my friends partner still had to give evidence about the keys being in his hand but thankfully my friend didn't have to.
But I was shocked to my core when I saw my friends husband, I haven't seen him for about 4 years, he has had all his teeth removed, now my friend paid for those in the first place so I think she should have at least gotten them back in the divorce settlement! He was thin & dirty looking, he has had to live with his parents for a while as he has been ill with kidney stones. But I actually felt sorry for him, he is a shadow of the man he once was.
He is now awaiting sentencing next month & will probably just get community service but it means he will have this on record.

It's really is an example of what one more woman has had to put up with, so please if you are living in a situation that isn't acceptable, whether you are male or female, tell someone, report it to the police. No-one has to put up with this.

Maybe next time I will tell you more about my new relationship because there is a story ther for you all to read.......xx

Let go of the bitterness

I think this is a very apt title for this blog, I am currently sitting in Guildford court, in the witness room, as support for a friend of mine, who will be giving evidence today against the husband she is separated from. But more about that later.

Firstly I would like to make some things very clear, my ex husband divorced me 13 years ago stating the reason as adultery, but I never actually had an affair, he wanted a quick divorce & told me that I could either divorce him for adultery or he would me, if I'd known then what I know now I would have divorced him as he was having an affair. I have no problem with this & I am very open & honest about it, but he needs to get over it, move on & let go of the bitterness it will just eat away at him. I could be bitter about him paying a pittance maintenance for his children, or I could be bitter about being made to sell our home, making our children homeless & living like gypsies for years, but what's the point? It doesn't change what's happened, it's not going to get you anywhere, bitterness will only make you ill.

Now today the reason I am sat in a witness room in a court is because my friend & her partner were attacked by her estranged husband, they have been separated for 4 1/2 years but he can't move on, he will not sign the divorce papers. I can't go into details due to it going to court today.

When you have children you really have to be reasonable for their sakes, you are both still their parents, they will always need to have you in their lives & you have to remember at one point you loved the other person enough to create a family with them....