I suppose I should tell you how I got into internet dating in the first place, I blame my friend Julie, she told me it was a laugh & as I was bored I decided that why not lets give it a go. I was given instructions on what to put on my profile & I stand by this completely : I don't not want to watch you masturbate on camera, You will not see me masturbate on camera, I will not send you pictures. Anyway she signed me up to GIRLS DATE FOR FREE, yes its free!!!! Within an hour theres hundreds of views, ok so maybe not hundreds but a girls got to have ambition. One man caught my eye, nice looking, his profile was funny & he kept coming to look at mine. Being brave, I am behind a computer, I sent him a message telling him to stop viewing me & chat, & he did!!! Wayhey!
The only drawback is he lives in Swindon! Thats ok we can just chat, eases me back into the dating scene. So we chat for a while, I told him where I worked, not where I live & within a week of us chatting I am getting flowers, then shoes.......ahhhhhh he had me at shoes!
He tells me he owns his own business & its successful, HELLO I have a live one! Not that I am all about the money but its nice to get presents!
But he wants to meet me & would I like to come to Swindon, he will put me up in a hotel & pay for it & he will stay at his house......OMG this man is a gentleman!!! Hell yes I am going to Swindon!
Now the hotel was out of this world, the Pear Tree at Purton if you ever get chance go there, lovely 5 star jobby. I met him just off the motorway so he could lead me to the hotel. All I knew was that his car was a MR2 gold thing, it meant nothing to me, turns out the car was famous in its own right, music videos, films, video games oh & porn magazines.....!
Now I had a lovely weekend & he was a complete gent, he paid for everything, so I thought I may as well see him again. This went on for a while, me travelling to swindon & him paying for everything, even to the point of him buying me a car, mobile phone & gucci handbag. Now that really makes me sound terrible but I always travelled there, the phone was so he could call me & it would cost nothing, the bag was a christmas gift.
Eventually I stayed at his house & different things started to fall into place, the house wasn't quite what he made it out to be, but we all stretch the truth now & then, the business wasn't quite as successful as he said, now money doesn't bother me, possessions don't interest me, but being lied to does.
The final couple of straws that broke me were when I realised that his funny profile was actually true:
LADIES IF YOU THINK THAT THIS IS 6 INCHES -------- THEN I AM THE MAN FOR YOU
Oh yes dear god it was like throwing a sausages up an alley & thats after I have had my designer vagina! lol & when we were out for dinner one evening he asked me to put his denture glue in my handbag, yes my gucci bag!!!!
But I ended it in a very low way, I managed to change the name on the log book to the car over to me, it was a gift so it was mine! I took the sim out of the phone, I liked the phone not then number & I sent it back to him! Now thats no worse than texting "Your're dumped"...........and that is how I became single 4 years ago!
Thursday 2 August 2012
Monday 30 July 2012
Its been a while....
So I haven't written much for a while, but then again I haven't dated anyone that has been interesting enough to write about!
But I did have a couple of men that I was dating at the same time, dating them not sleeping with them I have to make that clear from the off. One a chef, seemed nice enough the other a builder interested me but was too vague about a date...the cheek of it lol. Anyway, I went for a coffee with the chef I can't honestly say that there was anything that made me think phowar I fancy him but looks arent everything but its nice to have something to look at when you are snogging the face off them, yes I open my eyes now & then!
The builder I invited on a night out, had a laugh, had a dance then drove him home....NOTHING! Am I losing my touch????
The text's still flew & forwards between us until the fateful day he sent me a text ending it with about 5 kisses, I knew it wasnt for me. I of course replied that I thought he had sent it to the wrong person & he told me that it was meant for a work collegue, now is it just me or did I fail to say he is a BUILDER working with lots of MEN, I don't know any men that send 5 kisses to other men unless of course they are in a relationship. So after I had finished laughing I text him back that he needs to keep the women in his phone book seperate or make life easier just delete my number!
Now the chef, single dad, big drinker. I have been out with single dads before & like us single mums its a hard job, but mixing that with having to drink the amount that he does I really don't want to go down that road again. I am also far to stubborn to text him first lol.
Oh I did go on another date, a lunch date, the picture that he sent me was rather blurry but I can't let that put me off. So off I go for lunch in a lovely little pub, I got there first & brought my own drink. I could see this nice car pull into the car park, mentally rubbing my hands together BINGO! When the man got out of the car I thought it cant be him he looks about my dads age & reminds me off my uncle.....this particular uncle has been dead for about 5 years, so yes he looks like a corpse......no it can't be him! Guess what yes you got it right it was him! GREAT how the hell am I going to get out of this???? Well he came into the pub & I was pleasant I stayed & had a drink with him, but the WEDDING RING put me off!!!
Really what is it with you lot????? Again I am talking about dead bodies & married men!
Ladies if you are reading this I could do with a date, we need something other than 50 shades to read......x
But I did have a couple of men that I was dating at the same time, dating them not sleeping with them I have to make that clear from the off. One a chef, seemed nice enough the other a builder interested me but was too vague about a date...the cheek of it lol. Anyway, I went for a coffee with the chef I can't honestly say that there was anything that made me think phowar I fancy him but looks arent everything but its nice to have something to look at when you are snogging the face off them, yes I open my eyes now & then!
The builder I invited on a night out, had a laugh, had a dance then drove him home....NOTHING! Am I losing my touch????
The text's still flew & forwards between us until the fateful day he sent me a text ending it with about 5 kisses, I knew it wasnt for me. I of course replied that I thought he had sent it to the wrong person & he told me that it was meant for a work collegue, now is it just me or did I fail to say he is a BUILDER working with lots of MEN, I don't know any men that send 5 kisses to other men unless of course they are in a relationship. So after I had finished laughing I text him back that he needs to keep the women in his phone book seperate or make life easier just delete my number!
Now the chef, single dad, big drinker. I have been out with single dads before & like us single mums its a hard job, but mixing that with having to drink the amount that he does I really don't want to go down that road again. I am also far to stubborn to text him first lol.
Oh I did go on another date, a lunch date, the picture that he sent me was rather blurry but I can't let that put me off. So off I go for lunch in a lovely little pub, I got there first & brought my own drink. I could see this nice car pull into the car park, mentally rubbing my hands together BINGO! When the man got out of the car I thought it cant be him he looks about my dads age & reminds me off my uncle.....this particular uncle has been dead for about 5 years, so yes he looks like a corpse......no it can't be him! Guess what yes you got it right it was him! GREAT how the hell am I going to get out of this???? Well he came into the pub & I was pleasant I stayed & had a drink with him, but the WEDDING RING put me off!!!
Really what is it with you lot????? Again I am talking about dead bodies & married men!
Ladies if you are reading this I could do with a date, we need something other than 50 shades to read......x
Friday 27 April 2012
Why lie????
Sorry I haven't had much to say lately.......but I have a question, why do men feel the need to lie about themselves or their age?
I was asked out for a drink by a man who said he was separated & in his forties. That will be nice, I did ask to see a picture, well I like to know who I am meeting, it was blurred & slightly in the distance but he looked ok, yes I am shallow but you need something pleasant to look at while you are having a drink.
So anyway we arranged to meet for a lunchtime drink, quick getaway for us both. I was sitting in a lovely little pub with a small glass of wine, when an older gentleman approached me & introduced himself as my lunch date! Imagine my horror, this man is in his 60's & actually looks like my uncle, who died 3 years ago & yes I do mean he looks like a corpse......
Now my parents brought me up with good manners so I sat & chatted to him. He then proceeded to tell me that he is not actually separated, I'm thinking ok at his age he could be widowed, no that old chesnut "wife doesn't understand him"!
OMG get me out of here!!!! I then had to explain that while separated men are ok to date, I will not under any circumstances date married men, done that before!
After the one drink & yes it does only take me one drink I said that I really had to go.
Now do I give up on dating or do I carry on & see what else is out there......maybe just for your amusement I should carry on???? Let me know what you think x
I was asked out for a drink by a man who said he was separated & in his forties. That will be nice, I did ask to see a picture, well I like to know who I am meeting, it was blurred & slightly in the distance but he looked ok, yes I am shallow but you need something pleasant to look at while you are having a drink.
So anyway we arranged to meet for a lunchtime drink, quick getaway for us both. I was sitting in a lovely little pub with a small glass of wine, when an older gentleman approached me & introduced himself as my lunch date! Imagine my horror, this man is in his 60's & actually looks like my uncle, who died 3 years ago & yes I do mean he looks like a corpse......
Now my parents brought me up with good manners so I sat & chatted to him. He then proceeded to tell me that he is not actually separated, I'm thinking ok at his age he could be widowed, no that old chesnut "wife doesn't understand him"!
OMG get me out of here!!!! I then had to explain that while separated men are ok to date, I will not under any circumstances date married men, done that before!
After the one drink & yes it does only take me one drink I said that I really had to go.
Now do I give up on dating or do I carry on & see what else is out there......maybe just for your amusement I should carry on???? Let me know what you think x
Thursday 23 February 2012
What is it with men????
Now I need something answered......Why is it that you go on a date with a man, everything seems to be going ok, he likes you, you like him, he tells you that he wants to see you again, great you think, so why is it he doesn't ring or text, keep a woman interested for crying out loud!
We like to be chased, we want a text that says morning, have a good day!
We aren't asking for flowers, chocolates or undying love all we actually want is a little bit of interest....it isn't hard!!!!!!
I am now at the point where I think its time to just throw in the towel & give it up! But then surely there is someone for everyone?????
So come on men at least tell us what is it that you want? Is it that we don't jump into bed with you? Too much respect for ourselves to do that! Is it that we have minds of our own?
What are you looking for????
x
We like to be chased, we want a text that says morning, have a good day!
We aren't asking for flowers, chocolates or undying love all we actually want is a little bit of interest....it isn't hard!!!!!!
I am now at the point where I think its time to just throw in the towel & give it up! But then surely there is someone for everyone?????
So come on men at least tell us what is it that you want? Is it that we don't jump into bed with you? Too much respect for ourselves to do that! Is it that we have minds of our own?
What are you looking for????
x
Tuesday 31 January 2012
Funerals......
When I was 14 or so I was asked out by a lad from a rival school, now that is a challenge really, how could I say no! Not only was he from a rival school he had a part time job working in his uncle's business, now this was a family business, as an undertaker, well we were only "going out" for a couple of weeks so there is no story to tell there but there is a pattern.....
After my divorce & when I used to party alot off I went to a club in uxbridge, I love a classy joint me! Well it was one of those nights where we didnt want to spend much so in the hand bags went the vodka bottles & off to the loos we would trot to refill our glasses. Well they had columns in this club & yes I did decided to have a go at pole dancing around them, well they were there & I just couldn't help myself! We had a great night of drinking & dancing.
The following week I had a funeral to go to with my mum & my uncle, while we were waiting for the service to start we decided to go & have a look in the memorial book, all of a sudden an under taker appeared from a side door. We went outside until the hearse arrived & while we were sedately waiting the undertaker came up to me & said he had seen me in the club at the weekend & had tried to speak to me, I wanted the ground to open up at that point, my mum did say to him she was probably fllitting about!!! Yes I was & I was as pissed as a fart! Well after the funeral my mum said that I should have given him my number as he would always be in employment & owned a suit!!!! The next day my wonderful mother informed me she had phoned the undertakers & left my number for him....me I changed my number & to this day I don't know if she was telling me the truth!!!
Fast forward to 2011, ok so we all know I am on a dating site, I started chatting to a man who seemed quite reasonable, he asked me if I would like to meet for lunch on a a Sunday, yes I said that would be pleasant. Then he told me what he did for a living....another bloody undertaker! Well I met him & if i didn't know before hand what he did after following him in his car i would have done! SLOW
I arranged to meet him in a lovely elegant bar in Hampton Court, nice cocktails, no parking available. So we end up in Walton in a bloody JD Weatherspoons, no atmosphere, I should have realised then he was taking me out for a bargin basement meal! Ok so I am NOT all about the money but its a first date & lets have a little bit of class.
I have a pet hate of food being eaten with hands if there is cutlery available, what happens he picks this chicken up, half a bloody chicken that is, & picks at the bones as if he hasnt eaten for a week. Now at that point I know it isnt going to go anywhere, lets face facts, I drive to fast, I have a twisted sense of humour & I have manners! Well I stay for the meal & manage to say my goodbyes without having to commit to a second date. But once home I start to think that maybe I should give him a second chance he might not be that bad. So when he calls me & asked me if I would like to meet for a coffee I agree......
Coffee.....hmmmm he meets me wearing shorts of some sort & god bothering sandles NOOOOO!!!! not only that he asks me if I want to go back to his place for the coffee, not on the second date, he lives above the funeral parlour.....OH NO! there is NO way I am going anywhere near that place until I am in a box! Needless to say there was not a third date....
Now can you see a pattern forming, I dated a part time undertaker at 14, I attracted an undertaker while drunk, I came home from a blind date in a funeral van & then I get invited back for coffee to an undertakers flat over the shop, dear god do I look like a corpse to you?????
After my divorce & when I used to party alot off I went to a club in uxbridge, I love a classy joint me! Well it was one of those nights where we didnt want to spend much so in the hand bags went the vodka bottles & off to the loos we would trot to refill our glasses. Well they had columns in this club & yes I did decided to have a go at pole dancing around them, well they were there & I just couldn't help myself! We had a great night of drinking & dancing.
The following week I had a funeral to go to with my mum & my uncle, while we were waiting for the service to start we decided to go & have a look in the memorial book, all of a sudden an under taker appeared from a side door. We went outside until the hearse arrived & while we were sedately waiting the undertaker came up to me & said he had seen me in the club at the weekend & had tried to speak to me, I wanted the ground to open up at that point, my mum did say to him she was probably fllitting about!!! Yes I was & I was as pissed as a fart! Well after the funeral my mum said that I should have given him my number as he would always be in employment & owned a suit!!!! The next day my wonderful mother informed me she had phoned the undertakers & left my number for him....me I changed my number & to this day I don't know if she was telling me the truth!!!
Fast forward to 2011, ok so we all know I am on a dating site, I started chatting to a man who seemed quite reasonable, he asked me if I would like to meet for lunch on a a Sunday, yes I said that would be pleasant. Then he told me what he did for a living....another bloody undertaker! Well I met him & if i didn't know before hand what he did after following him in his car i would have done! SLOW
I arranged to meet him in a lovely elegant bar in Hampton Court, nice cocktails, no parking available. So we end up in Walton in a bloody JD Weatherspoons, no atmosphere, I should have realised then he was taking me out for a bargin basement meal! Ok so I am NOT all about the money but its a first date & lets have a little bit of class.
I have a pet hate of food being eaten with hands if there is cutlery available, what happens he picks this chicken up, half a bloody chicken that is, & picks at the bones as if he hasnt eaten for a week. Now at that point I know it isnt going to go anywhere, lets face facts, I drive to fast, I have a twisted sense of humour & I have manners! Well I stay for the meal & manage to say my goodbyes without having to commit to a second date. But once home I start to think that maybe I should give him a second chance he might not be that bad. So when he calls me & asked me if I would like to meet for a coffee I agree......
Coffee.....hmmmm he meets me wearing shorts of some sort & god bothering sandles NOOOOO!!!! not only that he asks me if I want to go back to his place for the coffee, not on the second date, he lives above the funeral parlour.....OH NO! there is NO way I am going anywhere near that place until I am in a box! Needless to say there was not a third date....
Now can you see a pattern forming, I dated a part time undertaker at 14, I attracted an undertaker while drunk, I came home from a blind date in a funeral van & then I get invited back for coffee to an undertakers flat over the shop, dear god do I look like a corpse to you?????
Married Men......
Now I need to get somethings of my chest regarding married men, what is it that they look at a single woman & think that she is going to be slightly interested in them. Ok so I know I have been out with a married man in the past but there were exceptional circumstances.....he was as fit as a butchers dog & I would have happily snogged the face of him 24 hours a day!
Right so anyway why would we be interested in a married, balding, slightly over weight, with nasty teeth, when we can go for single, hair. fit & gorgeous???
This tale involves a married man, who of course shall remain nameless, but some of you will know who he is, anyway this is one of my first boyfriends from when I was at school. I received a friend request from him via facebook & he sent me an email with all his news, just chatty stuff, as I always do I replied with all my news. He then asked me if I fancied meeting up for a coffee as he was in the area the following weekend, as there wasn't any football on for my son I thought why not, its entirely innocent he has a wife, his 2nd, I am the ex wife of one of his friends.
So we met for coffee, OMG I am aging soooo well it seems, we were just chatting about our lives when out of the blue he asked me if I had ever had a one night stand.....No I said I think they are messy & impersonal. Well thats a conversation killer. Time for a swift exit & back to being mummy to my kids. Well it was early on in the year because Dancing on Ice was on. There I am sat there watching Sunday night tv with the kids when I get an email pop up thanking me for meeting him for coffee & how did I feel about being a mistress......No thank you, I have been there & done that & he was nice looking!
Well I just received the odd email from him, usually of a sexual nature, now don't mis-understand I don't mind a bit of banter but not if you are talking to me like a patronising twat. I remember him before he had money & he wasn't anything special then, just a spotty teenager!
Now I went on to live with someone, another story, but when that relationship broke up all of a sudden I am getting emails from this guy again, very suggestive & very rude. The final email came late at night & as I have a blackberry it came through to my phone & woke me up....not a good move on his part!
So early the next morning I logged on to facebook & my status read : "I would just like to make everyone aware that I do not like being woken up during the night by suggestive emails & I would like to make it crystal clear to (I tagged him) that I am not interested in receiving his emails & maybe if he paid more attention to his wife then he wouldn't need to send emails to me."
And then I went to work, knowing that I wouldn't be able to remove the status or untag him until I was home from work that evening.
By 8.30am I had several comments on the status & then the work phone rang.....yes it was HIM, begging me to remove it as I had destroyed his life, no he had destroyed his life. As he is friends with my ex husband I then received a text from him, telling me that I had made a fool of myself & I HAD to remove it, again I said no, I had done nothing wrong & I was standing by my status.
By the time I got home he had managed to untag himself but that meant I could just leave the status up there for all the world to see.
So to all you married men out there, we single women aren't interested in you, you can reassure your wives that we are no threat to them. But what you should do is try to liven up your marriages before you look elsewhere. I know some people just fall in love with the wrong person, but me I just want someone that is just going to be mine & that I wont have to share with another woman......
Right so anyway why would we be interested in a married, balding, slightly over weight, with nasty teeth, when we can go for single, hair. fit & gorgeous???
This tale involves a married man, who of course shall remain nameless, but some of you will know who he is, anyway this is one of my first boyfriends from when I was at school. I received a friend request from him via facebook & he sent me an email with all his news, just chatty stuff, as I always do I replied with all my news. He then asked me if I fancied meeting up for a coffee as he was in the area the following weekend, as there wasn't any football on for my son I thought why not, its entirely innocent he has a wife, his 2nd, I am the ex wife of one of his friends.
So we met for coffee, OMG I am aging soooo well it seems, we were just chatting about our lives when out of the blue he asked me if I had ever had a one night stand.....No I said I think they are messy & impersonal. Well thats a conversation killer. Time for a swift exit & back to being mummy to my kids. Well it was early on in the year because Dancing on Ice was on. There I am sat there watching Sunday night tv with the kids when I get an email pop up thanking me for meeting him for coffee & how did I feel about being a mistress......No thank you, I have been there & done that & he was nice looking!
Well I just received the odd email from him, usually of a sexual nature, now don't mis-understand I don't mind a bit of banter but not if you are talking to me like a patronising twat. I remember him before he had money & he wasn't anything special then, just a spotty teenager!
Now I went on to live with someone, another story, but when that relationship broke up all of a sudden I am getting emails from this guy again, very suggestive & very rude. The final email came late at night & as I have a blackberry it came through to my phone & woke me up....not a good move on his part!
So early the next morning I logged on to facebook & my status read : "I would just like to make everyone aware that I do not like being woken up during the night by suggestive emails & I would like to make it crystal clear to (I tagged him) that I am not interested in receiving his emails & maybe if he paid more attention to his wife then he wouldn't need to send emails to me."
And then I went to work, knowing that I wouldn't be able to remove the status or untag him until I was home from work that evening.
By 8.30am I had several comments on the status & then the work phone rang.....yes it was HIM, begging me to remove it as I had destroyed his life, no he had destroyed his life. As he is friends with my ex husband I then received a text from him, telling me that I had made a fool of myself & I HAD to remove it, again I said no, I had done nothing wrong & I was standing by my status.
By the time I got home he had managed to untag himself but that meant I could just leave the status up there for all the world to see.
So to all you married men out there, we single women aren't interested in you, you can reassure your wives that we are no threat to them. But what you should do is try to liven up your marriages before you look elsewhere. I know some people just fall in love with the wrong person, but me I just want someone that is just going to be mine & that I wont have to share with another woman......
Plumbing????
After what can only be called a dry spell the kids & I moved into a little house in a lovely close, nice neighbours, all the children playing together, quite idllyic really. Yet again a friend decided to set me up on another date, I am seeing a pattern form....Well I went for a couple of drinks with this bloke but with two kids & a grown up life he just wasn't for me.
One date was arranged for a Saturday night, so there I am all dressed up waiting to be collected when I get a text telling me he has to work....on a Saturday night yeah right, well the neighbours are having a bar-b-que so in my little black dress & black boots of I trot, never mind the food give me a drink I have been stood up!
I actually only knew the neighbours so lots of knew people to get to know......well lots of men lol. I had a really pleasent evening chatting to a couple of men, one of them just got on my nerves but another one of them was just my type, tattooed & slightly dangerous looking......Well after a very nice evening I said my goodbyes & took myself home. My usual trick is get through the front door & start getting out of the heels & dress, so here I am half dressed when there is a knock at my front door! now picture the scene, one boot on, holding my dress up to me, a lady must keep her dignity......I open the door just a crack, oh yes the dangerous looking man, no I didn't drag him in the house & snog the face off him, he did ask me to go back for another drink with them all. Well it would be rude not to, I grabbed a pair of jeans & a top & got myself round there a bit sharpish, never look a gift horse in the mouth I say!
While we were sitting there chatting I said that I needed my dishwasher plumbed in, imagine my surprise then it turns out the dangerous looking bloke is a plumber!! Well arrangements were made for him to come & look at my plumbing, no not that plumbing.....yet. So the lovely, fit, naughty looking man checked out my plumbing & a date was set for him to come & fit the dishwasher....oh shite I need to get the dishwasher out of storage then!
So the date is set & the plumber has said he doesn't want paying for the job he will just share a bottle of wine with me....BARGAIN! The dishwasher has been fitted, a girls got to think of her nails, the wine is flowing nicely & then the plumber drops into conversation he is married, thats ok we are just friends. After a few glasses of wine he asked me if I fancied going out for a drink, hell yes, party animal never says no!
So off we go to Cheekees or as it was known at one time The Exchange & out comes the whiskey......well 2 whiskeys later we are snogging the face of each other in a cab & going home & all I will tell you about this man is I had never seen anything quite that large in my life!
NO you aren't getting the gory details!
Well as I knew he was married I didn't stop dating & a couple of weeks later I was on a date when the plumber phoned me wanting to meet me, now do I carry on with the date or do I drop him & meet the plumber.........Meet the plumber!
Well the plumber & I carried on seeing each other for a couple of years until he decided that a wife & a girlfriend wasnt enough for him & he needed another girlfriend so I did the sensible thing got rid of him then of course told his wife EVERYTHING!
Now after licking my wounds for a bit its time to get back on the horse & start dating again......so what will happen next......
One date was arranged for a Saturday night, so there I am all dressed up waiting to be collected when I get a text telling me he has to work....on a Saturday night yeah right, well the neighbours are having a bar-b-que so in my little black dress & black boots of I trot, never mind the food give me a drink I have been stood up!
I actually only knew the neighbours so lots of knew people to get to know......well lots of men lol. I had a really pleasent evening chatting to a couple of men, one of them just got on my nerves but another one of them was just my type, tattooed & slightly dangerous looking......Well after a very nice evening I said my goodbyes & took myself home. My usual trick is get through the front door & start getting out of the heels & dress, so here I am half dressed when there is a knock at my front door! now picture the scene, one boot on, holding my dress up to me, a lady must keep her dignity......I open the door just a crack, oh yes the dangerous looking man, no I didn't drag him in the house & snog the face off him, he did ask me to go back for another drink with them all. Well it would be rude not to, I grabbed a pair of jeans & a top & got myself round there a bit sharpish, never look a gift horse in the mouth I say!
While we were sitting there chatting I said that I needed my dishwasher plumbed in, imagine my surprise then it turns out the dangerous looking bloke is a plumber!! Well arrangements were made for him to come & look at my plumbing, no not that plumbing.....yet. So the lovely, fit, naughty looking man checked out my plumbing & a date was set for him to come & fit the dishwasher....oh shite I need to get the dishwasher out of storage then!
So the date is set & the plumber has said he doesn't want paying for the job he will just share a bottle of wine with me....BARGAIN! The dishwasher has been fitted, a girls got to think of her nails, the wine is flowing nicely & then the plumber drops into conversation he is married, thats ok we are just friends. After a few glasses of wine he asked me if I fancied going out for a drink, hell yes, party animal never says no!
So off we go to Cheekees or as it was known at one time The Exchange & out comes the whiskey......well 2 whiskeys later we are snogging the face of each other in a cab & going home & all I will tell you about this man is I had never seen anything quite that large in my life!
NO you aren't getting the gory details!
Well as I knew he was married I didn't stop dating & a couple of weeks later I was on a date when the plumber phoned me wanting to meet me, now do I carry on with the date or do I drop him & meet the plumber.........Meet the plumber!
Well the plumber & I carried on seeing each other for a couple of years until he decided that a wife & a girlfriend wasnt enough for him & he needed another girlfriend so I did the sensible thing got rid of him then of course told his wife EVERYTHING!
Now after licking my wounds for a bit its time to get back on the horse & start dating again......so what will happen next......
Monday 30 January 2012
A Few (well about 11) years ago...
So after 9 years of marriage I all of a sudden became single, so what do you do? Lose weight & start partying like a teenager, oh hang on I am still partying like a teenager, well sometimes. A mum from school that I had worked with in the past asked me if I would go on a double date, my date was her blokes mate, I had never met him or even knew his name, but I am game for a laugh to why not.
The day of the date came round & there I am dolled up to the nines in a tight skirt, rock chick top & boots, I had the rock chick look going on well before it became trendy...so ahead of my time! Anyway, just as I am about to leave I get a phone call from my friend she can't make it her nan has died, bit bloody selfish really I was looking forward to going out & having a good time......Bugger this I thought I am going anyway! I went & met these 2 men, I knew one of them I dont just go out with strangers!
Remember I only knew one of them & please remember I am only 5 foot tall, so the scene is now set, I am glammed up to the nines in high heeled boots & my date is about 5 foot tall & about 5 foot wide & his arms were just too short to go round his body....Oh dear god what must my so called friend think I am looking for! But as I was now out i may as well have a meal & make the most of it.
Off we go on the train, yes I paid for my own ticket, to Windsor....oh posh night out I hear you say, no Chicago's that lovely meat market but a free meal is a free meal. Of course I made sure another friend knew where I was going but thankfully I am very good at looking surprised when she turned up with her mates, I of course thanked the 2 men for the meal then managed to ditch them!!
The night is young lets get drunk & have a good time....So many fit men, so little time! One young bloke told me he was getting married & did I want to see why his girlfriend was marrying him then proceeded to drop his trousers....I asked him them if his girlfriend had small hands???
All of a sudden I realised that I didn't have enough money to get a cab home, drank it, woops! Missed the last train & ditched the date!!! Oh hell how am I going to get home, these boots were not made for walking! Don't worry says my friend, N's boyfriend is picking us up in his van, I will have to get in the back but thats ok. Now men with vans, builders, plumbers, couriers.....no not this one its a bloody funeral van & I have to get in the back & sit next to a bloody coffin!
As soon as I think we are nearly at my house I just yell to stop the van & let me out I will walk the rest of the way, the sliding side door gets opened on the wrong bloody side & I have to climb over the coffin to get out, now remember that my skirt is skin tight so I shimmied over the coffin & tottered home in my boots, giggling all the way & no I never did see the blind date again......
The day of the date came round & there I am dolled up to the nines in a tight skirt, rock chick top & boots, I had the rock chick look going on well before it became trendy...so ahead of my time! Anyway, just as I am about to leave I get a phone call from my friend she can't make it her nan has died, bit bloody selfish really I was looking forward to going out & having a good time......Bugger this I thought I am going anyway! I went & met these 2 men, I knew one of them I dont just go out with strangers!
Remember I only knew one of them & please remember I am only 5 foot tall, so the scene is now set, I am glammed up to the nines in high heeled boots & my date is about 5 foot tall & about 5 foot wide & his arms were just too short to go round his body....Oh dear god what must my so called friend think I am looking for! But as I was now out i may as well have a meal & make the most of it.
Off we go on the train, yes I paid for my own ticket, to Windsor....oh posh night out I hear you say, no Chicago's that lovely meat market but a free meal is a free meal. Of course I made sure another friend knew where I was going but thankfully I am very good at looking surprised when she turned up with her mates, I of course thanked the 2 men for the meal then managed to ditch them!!
The night is young lets get drunk & have a good time....So many fit men, so little time! One young bloke told me he was getting married & did I want to see why his girlfriend was marrying him then proceeded to drop his trousers....I asked him them if his girlfriend had small hands???
All of a sudden I realised that I didn't have enough money to get a cab home, drank it, woops! Missed the last train & ditched the date!!! Oh hell how am I going to get home, these boots were not made for walking! Don't worry says my friend, N's boyfriend is picking us up in his van, I will have to get in the back but thats ok. Now men with vans, builders, plumbers, couriers.....no not this one its a bloody funeral van & I have to get in the back & sit next to a bloody coffin!
As soon as I think we are nearly at my house I just yell to stop the van & let me out I will walk the rest of the way, the sliding side door gets opened on the wrong bloody side & I have to climb over the coffin to get out, now remember that my skirt is skin tight so I shimmied over the coffin & tottered home in my boots, giggling all the way & no I never did see the blind date again......
My Dating Life....
Ok so I am 41 & trying to get out there & have a life, mum to 2 teenagers with better social lives than me. After getting divorced & ending a long term relationship its time to get back in the saddle & start dating again, where do you start in this day & age.....the INTERNET!
Here goes sign up to Zoosk & wait for the dates to roll in.....yeah right! The men start view, holy god there are slim pickings out there, yes I am fickle & probably shallow but why should I settle for fugly when just maybe my prince charming is out there?
Ooooo start chatting with some bloke that lives local to me, chatting is fine there is know chance of him finding me lol. All he knows is that I live near him & I have a red escort, he seems ok so I might meet him for a coffee????
Well with 2 kids & a mad dog my life is quite busy so maybe I won't have time for dating. I like to take the dog on decent length walks over the local park, anyway while walking home from the park I notice a man jogging....OMG its only the bloke that has been chatting to me online! Now is this just a coincidence or has he purposely jogged about till he found me???? Thank god I have the dog with me.
This same man contacts me again to say that he saw me & would still like to meet up. I take my daughter for a quick drink in the local pub, with the dog of course & the next thing this same bloke is driving past us several times....now this is getting creepy!
Considering I am finding it creepy that he keeps turning up wherever I am, does he have some sort of tracking device attached to my arse??? I STILL agree to meet him for a coffee..........
Saturday afternoon, very public place one coffee & I am out of there...well thats the plan lol. Two coffees later & we are chatting, he seems ok, he is a taxi driver who is going to start his own business. Born in the East End, more about this later, 2 grown up children, one ex wife. Well so far he seems realitivly normal, I actually agree to a second date.
Between the 1st date & the 2nd date there is about 7 to 10 days, where he keeps texting, fine he is just keen me thinks. during these text's he asks me if I would like to go on holiday with him, bit soon for that! Then he tells me that he is thinking about buying a house in Laleham & would I like to move in with him.....ALARM BELLS!!!! I have made a commitment to a 2nd date so I feel like I should go on it, even though I am not happy.
We just go for a drink & I know this is going to sound fickle but he has the same outfit on, maybe its me being female but surely he has more than one outfit? So he starts telling me more about himself, he wasn't just born in the East End he was born in.....THE BLIND BEGGER PUB! He isn't actually a a taxi driver he is a gangster! Oh dear god talk about tells a tall story, I manage to make my excuses, peck on the cheek & get myself out of there!
Ok so you live & learn & move on to the next victim......or so I thought!
TO BE CONTINUED............
Here goes sign up to Zoosk & wait for the dates to roll in.....yeah right! The men start view, holy god there are slim pickings out there, yes I am fickle & probably shallow but why should I settle for fugly when just maybe my prince charming is out there?
Ooooo start chatting with some bloke that lives local to me, chatting is fine there is know chance of him finding me lol. All he knows is that I live near him & I have a red escort, he seems ok so I might meet him for a coffee????
Well with 2 kids & a mad dog my life is quite busy so maybe I won't have time for dating. I like to take the dog on decent length walks over the local park, anyway while walking home from the park I notice a man jogging....OMG its only the bloke that has been chatting to me online! Now is this just a coincidence or has he purposely jogged about till he found me???? Thank god I have the dog with me.
This same man contacts me again to say that he saw me & would still like to meet up. I take my daughter for a quick drink in the local pub, with the dog of course & the next thing this same bloke is driving past us several times....now this is getting creepy!
Considering I am finding it creepy that he keeps turning up wherever I am, does he have some sort of tracking device attached to my arse??? I STILL agree to meet him for a coffee..........
Saturday afternoon, very public place one coffee & I am out of there...well thats the plan lol. Two coffees later & we are chatting, he seems ok, he is a taxi driver who is going to start his own business. Born in the East End, more about this later, 2 grown up children, one ex wife. Well so far he seems realitivly normal, I actually agree to a second date.
Between the 1st date & the 2nd date there is about 7 to 10 days, where he keeps texting, fine he is just keen me thinks. during these text's he asks me if I would like to go on holiday with him, bit soon for that! Then he tells me that he is thinking about buying a house in Laleham & would I like to move in with him.....ALARM BELLS!!!! I have made a commitment to a 2nd date so I feel like I should go on it, even though I am not happy.
We just go for a drink & I know this is going to sound fickle but he has the same outfit on, maybe its me being female but surely he has more than one outfit? So he starts telling me more about himself, he wasn't just born in the East End he was born in.....THE BLIND BEGGER PUB! He isn't actually a a taxi driver he is a gangster! Oh dear god talk about tells a tall story, I manage to make my excuses, peck on the cheek & get myself out of there!
Ok so you live & learn & move on to the next victim......or so I thought!
TO BE CONTINUED............
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