Unseen Scars & The Damage That They Cause

Emotional abuse is not only hurtful, it attacks and decimates a child's self esteem. It is particularly damaging to the child's sense of self worth and emotional development. A child who endures emotional abuse can experience long term effects that will carry over into adulthood. The most disturbing part of emotional abuse, though, is that it is very difficult to prove or even recognize. It does not leave bruises or visible scars like physical abuse does. However, there are ways to detect emotional child abuse, and what actions you can take to stop it.

What is Emotional Abuse?

A pattern of behavior directed toward a child by an authority figure in the child's life that attacks his or her emotional wellbeing is emotional abuse. When a parent or authority figure places unreasonable, excessive or impossible demands on the child, uses intimidation and aggressive methods or uses verbal attacks it can be considered emotional abuse. Verbal attacks may include belittling, rejecting, cruel teasing, constant criticism and insulting. In short, any attack that undermines that child's self esteem is child abuse. Emotional abuse can also mean psychological or emotional neglect. When the parent or caregiver denies the child love, guidance or support, they are robbing that child of the ability to experience normal psychological growth and development.

Emotional Abuse vs Physical Abuse

While physical abuse is terrible, emotional abuse may, in some ways, be even more heinous. In fact, many people feel that emotional abuse is worse. With physical abuse, the victim is validated. The scars and bruises are visible. There is tangible evidence that abuse has occurred. However, emotional abuse is not so easily detected. There are no scars, no bruises. There is only a barrage of emotional pain that tears down the child, wrecking his or her psychological well being. Much of the time, the victim of emotional abuse feels that they are to blame, that they somehow caused the abuse. They may even feel that they are "crazy" or that they are in error by feeling that they are being abused. The abuser often contributes to this twisted way of thinking, actually convincing the victim that they "made" the abuser hurt them or that if only they were better, smarter, prettier, whatever, they would not be hurt. The scars run deep, but they are not so easily seen.

Impacts of Emotional Abuse: Immediate and Long Term

The effects of emotional abuse can be devastating and difficult to reverse. The body mends, but when the mind, spirit or psychology is broken, it is a much longer and more difficult road to repair it. Emotional abuse impacts the child's psychological, emotional, social and cognitive development. The effects may appear immediately and plague the child well into adulthood. Those effects can manifest in the child in some heartbreaking ways. Some common problems that may result from emotional abuse include:

• Insecurity
• Social Withdrawal
• Alcohol Abuse
• Poor Self Esteem
• Lack of Confidence
• Destructive Behavior
• Depression
• Anti Social Behavior
• Impaired Development of Basic Skills
• Defiant Behavior Particularly with Authority Figures
• Difficulty in Forming and Maintaining Relationships
• Unstable Job History
• Suicide

These effects may occur in varying degrees, ranging from mild to self destructive. Sometimes, placing the child in a loving, supportive environment can rebuild what the emotional abuse has torn down, but quite often, professional psychiatric care is necessary.

Know the Signs

While emotional abuse does not carry the bruises and scars that are hallmark indicators of typical abuse, there are ways to detect it. The indicators usually depend upon the age of the child, but one of the primary red flags is a child whose behavior is not consistent with his or her age. Some observable indicators of child emotional abuse include:

• Rocking
• Sucking (thumb, fingers, etc) or Biting His or Her Self
• Inappropriate Aggression
• Stealing
• Lying
• Destructive to Other People or to Property
• Sleep Disorders
• Speech Disorders
• Restricts Play Activities or Experiences
• Compulsive
• Obsessive
• Excessive Anger
• Has Phobias
• Hysterical Outbursts

A child's behavior can also be a strong indicator of abuse. Some telling behaviors include:

• Self Destructive
• Withdrawn
• Makes Negative Statements about Himself or Herself
• Overly Aggressive
• Shy or Passive
• Cruel to Animals
• Overly Demanding
• Overly Compliant
• Delay in Physical, Mental and Emotional Development
• Cruel to Others

Family behaviors can also indicate emotional abuse. If you are in a position to observe the family, some red flags to look for are:

• Indifference Toward the Child's Welfare or Problems
• Is Cold Toward the Child
• Rejects the Child
• Blames the Child
• Puts the Child Down
• Call the Child Cruel, Damaging or Inappropriate Names
• Withholds Affection
• Shows Preferential Treatment to Siblings

It is important to keep in mind, however, that isolated incidents do not necessarily indicate abuse. These behaviors can be attributed to traumatic events in the child's life or something that upsets the child. The key factor in determining if the behavior indicates abuse is if there is a pattern of behavior. In that case, the tell tale signs should not be ignored and action should be taken.
How you can HelpIf a child comes to you and reports that they are being abused, proceed carefully so that you can best help the child.
Stay calm. Your first reaction may be to get angry. Don't. Stay calm and try not to let your face register any shock, anger or disgust you may feel on the inside.
Avoid Denial. You may be tempted to deny what they child says, tell them that they must be mistaken. This is a big mistake. If you feel that you are going to deny what the child is telling you, just close your mouth and listen.
Be Reassuring. Give the child a safe place to speak, a place where they are not judges or criticized. Reassure them.
Do not Interrogate. Sit back and let the child talk. Stay away from leading questions or making statements about what happened. Just let them talk and you just listen.
Tell the Child that they did not do Anything Wrong. It is very difficult for a child to step up and tell someone that they have been abused. Let them know that you take what they said seriously and that it is not their fault.
Reporting child abuse can be difficult on a personal level. You may feel that you are "meddling" in someone else's affairs, breaking up a family or disrupting people's lives. However, by reporting suspected child abuse, you are making a difference in the life of a child. Sometimes we have to intervene to stop damaging and destructive behaviors that are being done to people who are weaker or have no voice, no power to stop it. When you step up and take action on behalf of a child in this position, you will not only make a difference in that child's life, you may also touch the lives of all of the people involved.

Back to my bad self!

Sometimes you just know when its time to get back to your normal self & for me it was over the last 5 days. I just had an epiphany, it actually happen at about 4pm on Thursday last week......

Now some of you would know that I was seeing a widower during the summer & I thought it was going quite well, I met his step children, I met his late wifes in laws, then out of the blue at the beginning of September he told me that were weren't having a relationship we were just friends! Well I don't know about you, but I do NOT sleep with my male friends, I do NOT cuddle up with my male friends & I do NOT hold hands with my male friends.

There was a lot building up at this point, everything got on top of me & I had a breakdown. My work was so good to me, I had 5 weeks off of work, my family was supportive & my friends were as always just wonderful & gradually with all this love & support I have gotten better, I wouldn't say I was 100% but I am getting there.

Now back to last Thursday, my phone rang & it was this widower telling me that he had missed me & that he now wanted to have a relationship with me.......now just one cotten picking minute you need a little bit of background on this man......

He has been married 5 times, the last wife passed away 2 months after they married & left him with her two children, one of which is disable. He met her in Febuary 2012, married her 10 months later & she passed away a year after meeting him, he knew she was ill & I can understand that she needed to make sure her children were cared for as her family would only take on the able bodied child. She always had a man living with her, she was never single, to me that smacks of desperation & it just seems as if she was looking for someone to care for her children. You can never know someone well enough after just a few months, he moved in with her after two days of knowing her. All this information came from him & the little girls carer who I knew.
Less than a month after she had passed away he was dating again, using a dating website & letting different women stay over, how confusing must that have been for those poor children, mind you I suppose that is what they were used to with their mother. My friend got in touch with me & said could she give him my number, at this point I knew nothing about him, I didn't even know how long he had been married for or how long he had be widowed for. He told me all about it all when we went out for dinner, then came the text messages all day long & him wanting to see me everyday. I spent all summer with him & his step children, who I got on with. The only thing I really wasn't happy with was they way he spoke to the eldest girl, he was always telling her that her mum hated her & that if she didn't behave he would have her put in care.
The relationship ended, by me, when he told me that we were just friends.....
Out of the blue one day he got in touch to tell me that someone had got in touch with social services & complained about the way he spoke to the children, I knew then he was trying to find out if it was me, it wasn't but I had to agree with the person that did get in touch with them. Personally I would have spoken to him myself. Of course this young girl was acting up, she had lost her mum, had to deal with watching her mum be so very ill & accept a new man in her mums life who she was told to call dad, her biological dad had only been back in her life for a month before this new man arrived on the scene. An adult would have trouble dealing with this but a child of 12 is of course going to be confused by it.

Now with that information back to last Thursday, so he tells me he now wants a relationship with me, but he still wants to be able to text different women he has met online.....errrr NO! I knew straight away that I didn't want him in my life or anything to do with him, but I made him wait until I was ready to tell him. During this time he told me that the so called mutual friend had shown him text messages I had sent her when I was hurting in September, now I can say these were not nice texts, they were mean, who hasn't sent text messages to a friend slagging an ex off? So I brooded all weekend on this & then decided that if I didn't confront them both it would eat away at me & affect my mental health again & there is no way I am risking that. I decided that I would go to his house when I finished work on Monday night........

I was invited in & offered a cup of tea, no thank you I'm not stopping. I asked him what he wanted to talk to me about & he started telling me that he wanted a relationship with me but only if he could carry on texting other women. I stopped him then & told him that I was sorry but I didn't want a relationship with him but I had the balls to tell him to his face not over a text message. I then told him that I had to go. As I was leaving I turned to my "friend" & said that to her that I was really disappointed in her because she had shown him text messages between the two of us. He then started shouting me down, that she hadn't so I told him that he had told me that she had, he said she told me about them & I just looked at him & said that is as bad & that no friend would do that if they actually were a friend. He then started shouting at me that I wasn't a friend anyway as it was me that reported him to social services, I told him that no it wasn't & if he thought that about me then why had he said he wanted a relationship with me? No answer, surprise surprise! I opened the front door to leave & said to him that I was going to wish him luck with his court case on Wednesday, he is going for guardianship of these children, but I really didn't think he should have them as he didn't deserve them & he was only keeping them to keep a roof over his head & the benefits that he got for them. Then I walked out & shut the door. THe front door opened & he shouted after me that I needed to go & take another pill, I turned around, smiled at him & told him that I was feeling great as I had taken two that morning!

I kept my dignity, held my head high, didn't swear once & walked away. I actually felt as if a great weight had been lifted from me. I hadn't lost a friend & a potential partner I had gained my self respect & got myself back.

The only thing that actually worries me is the children that are left in his care, he has a criminal record for violence against women & if the older one really rebels then I fear for her, but I just hope that the authorities do what they are supposed to do & make sure she is ok.

And that my friends is how I have got back to being me!

xx

Sorry I haven't posted

Firstly sorry I haven't posted anything for a while, I possibly should have seeing as writing things down tends to make me feel better. But my frame of mind really wasn't in a good place.

But I am back at work, trying to look as if I am feeling better, I am not really feeling very good at all but I can't really have anymore time off. Work has been very good & they are easing me back into work, but I just don't want to be here at the moment.
Mind you I don't want to be anywhere!

But lets just get back to the enjoyable stuff. I have had a couple of dates, nothing worth talking about though, just a quick drink with them.

Date number 1: Met him for a drink, after the ONE drink he wanted me to get in his car with him.....NOOOOOO!!!! That takes at least 3 dates, a meal & a hotel!

Date number 2: was a non-starter.....just someone I was chatting to, I actually went to school with him, he asked me if I fancied meeting for a drink but then told me he had saved some of my personal facebook pictures so he could show people his girlfriend......WHAT THE HELL! No they are my pictures, I am not anyones girlfriend. And he even told me that I could go to his work on New Years Eve & drink champange (cava) with him while he worked....hes a pot man in a social club! As I said NON-STARTER!!!!

Date number 3: Someone I grew up with contacted me & asked me to meet him for a drink, seeing as I knew him & his family I said yes. I told my family where I was going & who I was going with. I picked him up...the cheek, the pub we were going to is near my home. So I picked him up & he had been drinking all day & stunk of booze, turn off. When I managed to get a good look at him I realised that he had a funny shaped head, horrible clothes & I really didn't like his shoes. I know I am shallow but I really don't care. He managed to sink 3 pints in under an hour & all I had was one coke! As soon as I could I took him home, to his mothers, oh good god he lives with his mother! He decided to sing along to the radio, George Michaels A Different Corner, now as much as I love george I hate that song! So date number 3 was another wash out!

So now I am flirting with a friend & just seeing what happens. Obviously I will keep you all update if anything happens & I will also try & be a better blogger & keep you updated with all my news xx

Just a bit of a rant!

As you all know I suffer with depression, now I always know when it is getting bad, at the moment I am hitting a low, some of you might have noticed that I haven't really posted very much on Facebook recently, I just like to keep myself to myself when I am having a bad episode.
But what helps my depression is the fact that I have a dog, now this dog of mine was rescued by myself & my children from a house in Croydon where he had been abused to such an extreme he was afraid of bikes, men, children, going outside & pushchairs. He was going bald, had a skin condition, was under fed, had never been on a lead, had never been walked, but as soon as we opened the car door he happily got into it.
Between myself & my children we have got him to his recommended weight, his skin condition has cleared up & his fur has grown back. We are overcoming his phobias one step at a time, he walks confidently now, due to my son having a bike he has now gotten used to that, my 4 year old niece has spent time in my house helping him to get used to children, his phobia of men is slowly being overcome with the help of my dad & my brother coming to my house.
But mainly I now use him as an emotional support dog, this is now documented that dogs can help with depression:

How Dogs Help Symptoms of Depression

Dogs can help symptoms of depression because they are pack animals and instinctively form close bonds with other members of their "pack" or family. By their very nature, they will help provide emotional support to other members of their pack by being loyal and affectionate companions.

Physical Touch

• The sheer presence of a dog is calming - you're instinctively drawn to stroke or pet them. This can be especially helpful for people suffering from anxiety disorders or panic attacks  

• The sense of Touch is hugely beneficial psychologically - the act of stroking your pet can be soothing, and so improve your mood if you are down or depressed. It can also lower your blood pressure and stress levels.

Affection and Self Esteem

• 
  
• 
  
• Pets are uncomplicated - they don't have their own agendas and they love you unconditionally
• Caring for another living being and receiving affection in return is great for anyone's self-esteem - 
• 
  
• especially if you are lonely, bereaved or depressed.

Reducing Isolation and loneliness

• Dogs are a talking point and "social lubricant"- small as it may seem a simple exchange of pleasantries between dog owners in the park can be hugely helpful if you are feeling isolated, depressed or anxious. They also tend to be a good supply of silly stories to help break the ice

• Dog-related activities can form the beginnings of new hobbies, friendships. Activities vary from basic obedience to flyball or dog agility classes.

Taking Responsibility

• In rescuing a support dog you are taking on responsibility for the care and wellbeing of another living being, even if it has four paws instead of two legs! Hugely rewarding though it may be, its also a big responsibility and not a small undertaking to be cast aside or left behind lightly. When you are feeling rock bottom your responsibility as guardian to the dog you rescued can be a 
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• lifeline.

Relationship Building

• In rescuing a dog, you are effectively acquiring a new member of your family or pack, which, 
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• like any relationship, will grow with trust, respect, loving bonds but also bring its share of relationshp tension and challenges to be worked through, much like a relationship with a human family member might do.

Managing Thoughts and Feelings

• Dogs don't understand our verbal conversation, they read us at a much more fundamental level of energy and emotional state - you can't lie to a dog ! They instictively know when you are projective negative energy because you are feeling down, upset and respond.
• Dog's behave best when they are exposed to positive calm assertive energy, if you are stressed, tense, anxious, frustrated, or upset, your dog will be less responsive to your commands and more likely to, say, pull on the lead or not return when you call. To be a successful calm assertive pack leader for your dog, you first need to be self aware of your own emotions and state of mind and how affects your dog.
• When you achieve a calm, assertive, confident state of mind, your dog wiill perform at his best and be your perfect companion. Over time acquiring the skill of being a calm assertive pack leader will help you manage your mind, emotions and stress levels more effectively, enabling you to cope better with life's difficulties and stay positive more often.

Exercise and Routine

• Dogs get you out of the house - fresh air, physical exercise and a change of scene are proven to help boost people's mood and ease depression symptoms
• Caring for a dog helps form a daily routine and structure that can help keep you going, one foot after the other. No matter how depressed you are, your dog still needs feeding and walking!

Laughter

• Last but far from least - they really can make you laugh in spite of your depression when they inevitably do very silly, daft things

How has your dog helped you?

If you have any positive stories to add to this list then send them to us using our feedback form.

A few things to cover here.....

Sorry I was meant to write this last week, but of course life has got in the way as it does. But I have some good news for those who aren't friends of mine on Facebook, I am dating someone exclusively & he is making me happy & I am enjoying spending time with him. It's early days & I lie him a lot so that's all the information you will be getting for now, I might in time tell you more about this very grown up man that has entered my life but for now I really want to keep this to myself.

But in other news, my kids have been away to their fathers family in Spain & they seemed to have a good time, I missed them loads & I was so pleased to see them home, until of course normal family life resumed & we all starting arguing like children again!

I know in my last blog that I said I was at court with my friend as I wanted to support her during what has been quite traumatic for her family. She married her childhood sweetheart & it should have been all hearts & flowers but instead it was abuse & drugs. Her children suffered & he spent sometime in a foreign prison for trying to smuggle drugs into the country, but still she supported him. When he came back to this country he told her that he couldn't work due to his probation, now my friend is extremely gullible, but I love her, she believed him. So she continued to be the only person in the house that worked & good does she work hard.
Then she found out he was having an affair with a neighbour in the road that they lived, they moved to this house because he was having an affair with another woman, he moved I. With this other woman until the kids hounded her to take him back......so she did! Then hallelujah he announced one night, while I was there to his friend that they were splitting up, we looked at each other in shocked with me saying did you know?
But this meant that they had to sell up, the house thankfully was only in her name, he demanded that she pay him off, she did. He found a flat that we the taxpayers of this country pay for. All is gng ok for her, until they have to move again because of neighbours from hell & she met another man. Then the abuse starts again, vile text messages & threats. Her son moved in with his dad. Eventually she ended the relationship because her kids played up.
She then met another man, who is very nice to her, kind, accepting of the kids behaviour, all kids play up & obviously loves her a great deal.
They have now been together about 18 months & it looks like this will be a permanent relationship. But one night her daughter who is now 18 let her dad into her mums house, he has never been allowed in there, he proceeded to attack her partner, punching him with keys wrapped around his hand, kicking him when he went down, then left the property. The police were called & they took my friends phone as evidence of harassment to her as well has the assault on her partner.
Her estranged husband was arrested, they are not divorced yet even though they have been separated 4 1/2 years as he refuses to sign any papers. He admitted all the charges & it went to court where he pleaded not guilty, so now we all had to wait until it went back to court & my friend & her partner would have to stand up in court & give evidence against him. While it was waiting to go to court bail conditions were set, the usual, no contact directly or indirectly, do not go near the property. But still the husband sent vile text messages to my friend, I had to bully her into telling the police that he had broke his bail conditions, he then went back to court where they slapped him on the wrist & told him not to break them again.
Then my friend found out from her daughter that her dad had given her drugs to try & she was frightened, the police were called again because he sent threatening text messages to the daughter, so back he goes again regarding his bail conditions & yet again it's a slap on the wrist & don't break them again.
We then get to the court date, the night before he sent a message via their son to tell my friend if they turned up to give evidence there would be someone outside waiting for them, the police were aware of this & brought a uniformed officer to the court to sit in the room, now I could have taken this uniformed man down with my little finger.....we needed a butch one!
When the husband realised that my friend had gotten strong & was there he changed his plea to guilty, my friends partner still had to give evidence about the keys being in his hand but thankfully my friend didn't have to.
But I was shocked to my core when I saw my friends husband, I haven't seen him for about 4 years, he has had all his teeth removed, now my friend paid for those in the first place so I think she should have at least gotten them back in the divorce settlement! He was thin & dirty looking, he has had to live with his parents for a while as he has been ill with kidney stones. But I actually felt sorry for him, he is a shadow of the man he once was.
He is now awaiting sentencing next month & will probably just get community service but it means he will have this on record.

It's really is an example of what one more woman has had to put up with, so please if you are living in a situation that isn't acceptable, whether you are male or female, tell someone, report it to the police. No-one has to put up with this.

Maybe next time I will tell you more about my new relationship because there is a story ther for you all to read.......xx

Let go of the bitterness

I think this is a very apt title for this blog, I am currently sitting in Guildford court, in the witness room, as support for a friend of mine, who will be giving evidence today against the husband she is separated from. But more about that later.

Firstly I would like to make some things very clear, my ex husband divorced me 13 years ago stating the reason as adultery, but I never actually had an affair, he wanted a quick divorce & told me that I could either divorce him for adultery or he would me, if I'd known then what I know now I would have divorced him as he was having an affair. I have no problem with this & I am very open & honest about it, but he needs to get over it, move on & let go of the bitterness it will just eat away at him. I could be bitter about him paying a pittance maintenance for his children, or I could be bitter about being made to sell our home, making our children homeless & living like gypsies for years, but what's the point? It doesn't change what's happened, it's not going to get you anywhere, bitterness will only make you ill.

Now today the reason I am sat in a witness room in a court is because my friend & her partner were attacked by her estranged husband, they have been separated for 4 1/2 years but he can't move on, he will not sign the divorce papers. I can't go into details due to it going to court today.

When you have children you really have to be reasonable for their sakes, you are both still their parents, they will always need to have you in their lives & you have to remember at one point you loved the other person enough to create a family with them....

So angry

Right I know I haven't had anything to say for a while but you just aren't going to believe this!
I was contacted by a friends ex, they weren't together long & he asked me if I fancied going out for a drink, I spoke to my friend & she was perfectly ok with this so I met him for a coffee, not at all dressed up, I was off to the pub job!

He had been texting me & phoning & I explained because of the history I would only be friends with him. Towards the end of last week, he was calling me & saying that his youngest daughter wasn't well, she had had cancer when she was younger & they were concerned that it had returned. Now with any friend I would say the same thing, I am here if you need me, even if you just want to let of steam & chat.

So he text & called to say that he was off to Kettering to see her & find out what was going on, he text me when he arrived & said that things weren't looking good & they were arranging a transfer to Royal Marsden. Now I don't know about you but I have always assumed that if you are being transferred you would go in an ambulance, not this family, they went in his car on the Saturday evening.....

I had a nice lazy day on Sunday, killed out with my son, watched a couple of films, had text messages from this man telling me that his daughter would be having tests in the morning.

As you all know I have a low level of trust, when my friend was dating this man, I didn't trust him, she was never allowed to know where he lived, thank god I pay for people tracer, great website if you are Internet dating, she was not allowed to meet his kids, that I understand, he was always cancelling dates & when he did turn up he went home early. Well because of this low level of trust that I have of all people, men & women, I decided it was time to do some digging.....I called Kettering hospital & said I was checking that that transfer had gone ok, they had no record of this young lady......I then called Royal Marsden.......I told them that I wanted to send a care package to my friend that had been admitted on Saturday evening......NO RECORD!

Does that mean she is not in there? Does this mean he has been lying to me? Is this a HUGE mistake on his part? Does he not realise that I WILL confront him on this & I will get my revenge, but what really really ticks me off, notice that lack of swearing, is the fact that children are the most precious things that we are given & no self respecting parent would ever use their child as an excuse, especially with the reason being her cancer has returned. This is one sick & twisted man.......there will be more to follow on this subject! xx

Extra Job & more

As some of you will know I have just started a 2nd job, as a barmaid, how long it will last I just don't know but there are some characters there. I have met a couple of grave diggers, see we are back on the funeral theme, a man that parked his horse outside, I watch a man fall of a chair & managed not to laugh. The average age in the pub has to 110, so there is no chance of meeting a man there! Unless I want someone with a dodgy heart!!!!

But moving on......I do have a date this weekend, I can't tell you too much as I want to keep this to myself until I know what I am going to do about it. It is slightly complicated & maybe I should tell you all about it as I think I am going to need advice on this one!

Say what you mean......

Men, a lot of you complain that no one (good) responds to your online profile.
That’s probably because you are using specific words that are important, not because of what you think they mean, but because what they say to us, the women reading your profiles. To assist you, I have identified and defined the top 11. You’ll thank me later.

What You Men Say in your Profile, What it Means to Us Women

1. Laid back –Every. Guy. Says. This. Also, every girl interprets this in their own way. For example, I interpret it to mean “lazy.” A friend of mine thinks it means you want us to be ok with you flirting excessively with other girls. Laid back will never mean anything good, same goes with “down to earth,” and sometimes “open minded,” but…

2. Open minded – You like anal. Or you’re a liberal. It’s the same really though, isn’t it?

3. “Eternal,” “beautiful moments” or “sensitive” – You cry a lot. Especially when you don’t get your way.

4. Looking to just hang out-You will be calling us only for sex.

5. Looking to take it slow- You want to get married, or at least date seriously right away.

6. Looking to get married -You are a crazy person, or foreign.

7. Soulmate or snuggling- Just…just no. Nobody REALLY uses those words, unless they are talking to their five year old or watching a Lifetime movie. Some women will read those words and interpret them as romantic. 99% of women will interpret this as unrealistic and delusional.

8. No drama- I am fairly closed off to my emotions, but this doesn’t stop me from going after girls who are incredibly high maintenance.

9. Looking for an independent woman-I’d like you to have a job that supports you. Please. It’s 2009.

10. Partner in crime :) -I’d like you not only to approve of everything I do, please do it with me. (I was mystified by this and had to ask a few guys)

11. “Work out,” “fit,” “athletic”- YES, we get it. No fatties. No chubbies. No ladies who are larger than a size 4. We get it, but you need to be realistic......REAL women are curvy!!!!

To be fair, now let’s do a female version.

What Women Say on Their Profiles, and What It Really Means

First, may I say after having gone through many female profiles, men, I am sorry. Women DO want a lot. At least the ones I looked at did. The following is a fairly typical excerpt: You have to be funny - I'm completely yours if you make me laugh! Not to brag, but I'm SMARTER than a primary school kid so you have to be damn near MENSA to hang with me. I like being active and adventurous, so you have to be the same -- Sorry! What I'm most attracted to is a boy next door with high morals, values, and principles. I want someone that I can bring home to my family... :)

Wow. That is specific. Anyway, the ladies profiles tend to be more original and at least SOUND more sincere. They also have a higher propensity to quote Dr. Suess. I’m not sure what that means, scientifically. But seriously, I could only find 3 constants that seem to mean the same thing to everyone:

1. I really like Twilight-I’ll ultimately be ok with an abusive relationship (kidding, ladies, kidding)

2. Assertive, “goal-oriented,” mature-please have a job that allows you to support yourself without living with your parents or mooching off of me.

3. Looking for a “special” (or unique) guy-I would like you to tell me I’m special or unique.
Why do women have such differences when every online guy profile seems to be the same guy with a different picture? Because the women I saw online were very, very direct and clear in conveying who they were and what they wanted. One woman said specifically: I do NOT want to be the dominant one in the relationship. I will NOT email you first. Ok, lady.
So I’m proud of you, women. Sure, your profiles went into almost painful detail about your daily schedule and how often you travel. Sure, you composed medium to long lists of what you don’t want in a man. At least you put your true self out there. But guys, you have the advantage because you can see who these ladies really are, and what they really want. And that’s what online dating is truly about.

What a Weekend......

Morning nutjobs, its Monday morning & I suppose I should tell you all about my weekend & the BIG date.....well I would tell you if it had happened!

What can I say, I thought that just maybe I would get a date this weekend, lets face it I put myself out there & gave myself the horrors by actually asking someone if they wanted to go for a drink, there has been banter, I got a yes....then NOTHING!

So lets get a few things sorted shall we, if we women put it out there by asking YOU out then if you say yes, set a date to do it! If you aren't actually interested then just say no! Same as you would to drugs.....hang on I think I can feel a song coming on!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2nq8DzYToE&safe=active

Anyway I digress......I did go for a bit of bribery this weekend, I baked just to get something off the builders & I wasted so much time just watching them. Sometimes you just have to watch to perk your day up!

I even put make up on on a Saturday! For goodness sake that is unheard of unless I have somewhere to go! The anti roll knickers came out just to give me a more comfortable day & they hold me in, 2 kids & cake have made me curvaceous, what a waste of make up & my good undies! I sometimes wonder why I bother!

Believe it or not guys we like comfort more that anything else, so if a woman tells you she is wearing sexy underwear just to talk to you on the phone she is lying.....she is probably in her apple catchers, with no make up on & dirty hair....sorry have I destroyed the illusion??? Well I am sorry but thongs aren't very comfortable unless you are going out & don't want a visible panty line! And why on would anyone want to wear a g-string.....its like a cheese slice & there is nowhere for your cellulite to hide! Men can you please tell me would you rather something was left to the imagination or not? Personally I feel sexier in french knickers.......but that is just my choice! Ladies its time to stand up & say NO! We want comfort!!!!

I really digressed this morning didn't I???? Sorry, but sometimes you just have to get it off your chest lol.
Have a great week everyone & hopefully I will have updates for you this week......xx

Oh Oer Sargent!

Well what can I say, I went on a date with a Sargent in the Army, just a drink, well diet pepsi for me! He seemed like a very nice man, grown up....for a change! But then he broke one of the rules, he started talking about his ex wife....I managed to only glaze over the once, now thats good for me! But remember, we don't mind finding out that you are single, divorced, separated, but please don't spend the whole evening talking about the ex! It is so off putting.

Now he was obviously still bitter, so in that respect he is not ready for any sort of relationship. In my own way, I was nice, I suggested that we would be better of staying just friends. Now I wouldn't mind but he was FIT!

Anyway, staying as friends is not an issue for me but it seems it might just be for some other people....this is what happened........

Now the Sargent decided to text me the following day, just chatty stuff, how was my day, how was work, what was I doing that sort of thing. Now those of you that know me well will know that I go to bed early, so I explained that I was just going to bed as I get up at around 5am for work. So he is still texting, fine I think, I will say goodnight & hopefully that will be it. All of a sudden I get another text but this is a video image.....now please understand that women like flowers, chocolates, we don't want to see a video of you playing with your rather small man bits! Especially when it looks like a button mushroom! All I could think was JESUS CHRIST IN A SIDECAR!!!! Yes I watched it! It would be rude not to really! But I deleted it, I know I am meant to send it on to all my girlfriends, but holy cow! Why in gods name would anyone send something like that to someone who is just meant to be a friend?????? But what really amused me was the fact that he was in uniform & in his office!

I have to say that this sort of thing does nothing for me! I mean what the hell was he thinking, did he really think we could be friends if he was going to send this sort of thing to me????? Now this is one man that is deleted........

Rules of Dating.....

Ok so we all know about stay safe when dating, making sure that someone knows where you are but there are some other rules to follow....
I have spoken to men & women about this so this is coming from both sides......enjoy!

He asks, she pays: The one traditional dating "do" that still stands is the general belief that men are supposed to make the first move. However women are now offering to pay on the first date. Men did you hear that? If you ask us out for dinner, we might just foot the bill. Sounds like a win-win situation to us!

 All it takes is 15 minutes: And no I am not talking about sex! Minds out of the gutter             people!!! To decide if you & your date have chemistry. Apparently 31% of both men & women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide. Worried that your next date will bail if they are not into you, don't only 12% of singles would actually leave before the night was over and even I wouldn't do that & lets face it I go on some awful dates!

Honesty is still the best policy: Not enjoying your date? Tell him or her! Whats the point of spending an evening with someone who is grating on your last nerve. No-one gets anything our of being dishonest & you never know when you'll run into then again in later life......can you imagine if you have told them you are emigrating & you then bump into them! LOL

Don't go all the way: At least not until well after your first date! Holding out on your date builds mystery, and if your date can get it all in one night why would they bother wanting round two? Personally, I make sure my legs need shaving & my underwear doesn't match, that why no-one is getting a look at me!

Its ok to follow up: Its just a matter of when? Most women like to follow up within 24 hours, men like to play it cool and can sometimes make women wait for up to 3 days.....Right I like to send a brief text thanking the man for a lovely evening, the lines of communication are then open. Men if you make us wait for up to 3 days we are going off the boil & we lose interest. We don't need to be bombarded with texts, emails etc but just a hi how are you is nice!!!

Yes you can Facebook friend your date: Ah social media.....do you or don't you facebook your date? Personally I like to see what they have on their facebook, but then I am extremely nosy! But do you wait until the relationship is established before you friend them?

Spend time with your friends: Don't forget you have friends! And don't shove your new date down your friends throats, we are pleased for you but we don't need all the details of every little thing they have said to you....

The past is the past: We all have a past, we all have ex's, some more than others....yes I mean me! But if you are still bitter about your ex then you aren't ready to date anyone else. Your date will glaze over if you go on about how nasty & evil the ex is, yes we know they are thats why you are back dating! Remember your dating history is a bit like your cv, make it interesting but keep it short. Its not this is your life. Your date wants to know about you!

Listen: Be attentive, listen to your date, ask questions, find out what the other person likes. Use open questions, you don't want a yes or no answer, remember you are both nervous. This is like a job interview!

Drink: Do not get drunk! That is so unattractive in a man or a woman! Control yourself, if you think you need dutch courage you are definitely are not ready for this!

Keep it simple: you don't have to spend a fortune to impress anyone, a simple lunch, a walk in the park, a visit to a museum can be lovely places to start & it will give you chance to get to know each other. Or you can go all out, hire a limo & buy bottles of champagne, but thats if you are taking me out...oh I like flowers, chocolates & cocktails!

Remember enjoy yourself, but not too much!

A couple of tales from other people.

I was told a couple of dating stories this week, I am not going to name the person who told me, but needless to say I found them very funny so I thought I would share them with all my lovely nutjobs......

A friend of mine went on a first date, please remember it was a FIRST date, my friend is male so this is from his point of view. He & the female decided that they would go for a country walk, all is going well, they are chatting & strolling, both wearing sensible shoes.....well no point in wearing a decent pair in case of mud!
They decided to go for a bit to eat & as they were near the females home, they both went back there first to tidy themselves up, she needed to put something more suitable for a restaurant & he needed to get the mud off his shoes.
While he is wiping the mud from his shoes, she calls him to come into another room, where he finds her, stark naked laying on her bed.......After he managed to get his jaw from the floor he told her he had something in the van for her & would be right back......he got in the van & went home! Moral of this story.......hold something back ladies! Lol

This is a story from the same person but about his sister.....Now is sister has been on a couple of dates with this one particular guy, he has now invited her to his house for a meal. How romantic I hear you saying, but wait what is this, our female is sitting at the table waiting to be served when the gentleman enters the room wearing nothing but his apron, stockings, suspenders, french knickers & a bra.......needless to say there was no sausage for dinner that evening!

Sometimes hearing other peoples stories makes me feel so much better about my terrible dates!

But an update on the guy that stood me up.....he has deleted my number & told me that I am not funny, is this man stupid? Of course I am funny, I must have a sense of humour I was going to let him take me out!

I do have some classic comebacks to share with you all but I will publish those later x

Fear

Have you ever stood in a room full of people & felt so alone that you have such a pain in your chest that it actually feels like your heart is breaking? I have.
Most days I can be surrounded by people & still feel so lonely that I wonder if anyone notices that I am there or if they would miss me if I wasn't. Don't worry I am not talking about killing myself, just not being there for anyone anymore.
I sit alone at work, it's quite lonely being a receptionist, surprisingly, people come & go but they are never there long enough to talk to.
I come home, I cook dinner, I eat alone, I put the other two dinners in the microwave till the kids want theirs, I watch a bit of tv, then go to bed only to wake up & do it all over again. I know I'm not the only person that feels like this, but when it's you then it feels like it is.
My biggest fear, apart from any harm coming to my kids, is that I will die alone, I know that I am lucky that I have a close family around me, but in that last moment doesn't everyone want that one love to be there telling them that it will be ok, that they will always love them.
Is it so wrong to want it all, to keep my independence but to have someone that at the end of the day is there to listen to your day, to pour that glass of wine, to tell you that they love you? Or is that just movie talk?
Maybe the films have spoilt it all for us all, we want everything & if it isn't like the movies then it isn't enough for us?
Me I suppose I will keep kissing frogs looking for my prince & make sure my glass slipper is safe, just in case.
But still there is that undercurrent of fear that I will end my days alone, with just my books for company......

Errors of judgement....

Last week I published a blog that was never meant to hurt anybody, but the person it was about read it & feelings were hurt.
I did apologise to him, both publicly & privately. I had been looking forward to going on a date, not for your amusement of course, but because this is someone that I get on with & I like. This now has become a non starter for me.
So I have realised that I need to take more care when writing my blogs, I must think before I hit that publish button.
But as a caution to you all.....please read all the blogs, put what I am saying into perspective. I am not being malicious, I just tend to see the humour in the dates that I go on.

What makes a good date though?
Timekeeping is a good start, thinking about the person you are taking out, check that they will enjoy paint balling & that you tell them where they are going to be going? That way I won't have my high heels on if I should be wearing my trainers.....no I don't want to do a tandem bungee jump or see your stamp collection, you don't have to talk all the time, listening is good. I don't want to hear about your terrible past relationships, it's in the past for a reason, I don't need to share all my past learning curves, just so you are aware I never mistakes I only have learning curves.....
Be positive, be upbeat, but don't think you have to be entertain me all the time, sometimes quiet it good. Think about what it was that attracted you to the other person.
But finally enjoy the date & be yourself, there is no point pretending to be something you aren't you will get found out in the long run......

Happy Divorce Day!

Well 12 years ago today my marriage was disolved.....sad yes, no-one expects to get married just to get divorced, but for me it was over & done with, apart from having two kids so the contact will always have to be there.
I made the decision to keep my married name, it makes life so much easier with the kids & of course it just irritated the life out of the ex as well.....But thats actually mean & I am not going to be mean HA HA HA!

My ex moved on very quickly, but all credit to him he has had the same partner for 13 years or so. I would imagine that it works because he lives in Surrey all week & she lives in Dorset, so they are only actually together 2 days a week. He did try to convince everyone that he was living in Dorset & travelling Hayes for work daily but we all know how mean he is with his money so he would never spend on petrol like that! He also told us all in the end that he lives with his younger brothers during the week.

This is only a short blog as today I am just going to sit here & glow in my bubble of divorced happiness......

To all of you that are going through a divorce it does get better, it does get easier & life turns out pretty much ok in the end!

So everyone enjoy your day, I intend to enjoy mine, I might actually treat myself to a big old bar of chocolate later in celebration.....

Sending you love & blessings xx

Domestic Violence

Not only do I support mental health awareness, I am a strong supporter of domestic violence awareness, not only for women but for men to.

We never know what goes on behind closed doors of someone's home. Domestic violence is not only physical, its mental abuse, its verbal abuse, its sexual abuse, its financial abuse, its honour based abuse. No-one has the right to treat another human being in this way. Domestic violence is a crime & one in four women/men will be affected by some form of domestic abuse in their lifetime.

Emotional or psychological abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Its aim is to chip away at the confidence and independence of victims with the intention of making her compliant and limiting her ability to leave. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, threats of violence and controlling behaviour.
Many abused women define the psychological effects of domestic abuse as having a ‘more profound effect on their lives- even where there have been life-threatening or disabling physical violence . Despite this, there is almost always pressure to define domestic abuse in terms of actual or threatened, physical violence.

There are a broad range of behaviours that come under the heading of physical abuse including actions such as punching; slapping; hitting; biting; pinching; kicking; pulling hair out; pushing; shoving; burning and strangling. It should be noted that strangulation is the most common method of intimate partner homicide.

Rape and sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships because a women's right to consent is likely to be ignored. In fact evidence suggests that 45% of all rape is committed by current partners and these incidents are less likely to come to the attention of the police than those committed by strangers . Any situation in which an individual is forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. In addition, women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are thought to be at a higher risk of experiencing multiple and escalating assaults. Research also indicates that women who are raped by their husbands or partners are likely to suffer severe psychological affects because of the prolonged level of fear they are likely to experience.

Economic or financial abuse aims to limit a victim's ability to access help. Tactics may include controlling the finances; withholding money or credit cards; making someone unreasonably account for money spent/petrol used; exploiting assets; withholding basic necessities; preventing someone from working; deliberately running up debts; forcing someone to work against their will and sabotaging someone's job.

‘Honour' based violence (HBV) is a form of domestic abuse which is perpetrated in the name of so called ‘honour'. The honour code which it refers to is set at the discretion of male relatives and women who do not abide by the ‘rules' are then punished for bringing shame on the family. Infringements may include a woman having a boyfriend; rejecting a forced marriage; pregnancy outside of marriage; interfaith relationships; seeking divorce, inappropriate dress or make-up and even kissing in a public place.
HBV can exist in any culture or community where males are in position to establish and enforce women's conduct, examples include: Turkish; Kurdish; Afghani; South Asian; African; Middle Eastern; South and Eastern European; Gypsy and the travelling community (this is not an exhaustive list).
Males can also be victims, sometimes as a consequence of a relationship which is deemed to be inappropriate, if they are gay, have a disability or if they have assisted a victim.
This is not a crime which is perpetrated by men only, sometimes female relatives will support, incite or assist. It is also not unusual for younger relatives to be selected to undertake the abuse as a way to protect senior members of the family. Sometimes contract killers and bounty hunters will also be employed.

Domestic abuse is often talked about in a gendered manner, but it is important to recognise that men experience domestic abuse as victims too. Men's experiences are likely to be significantly different to women though.
The research that is available suggests that women are more likely than men to experience domestic abuse in their lives and to suffer repeated victimisation. They are also more likely to be injured, or have to seek medical help. Another difference is that men are less likely to be murdered by female abusers; Home Office figures reveal that on average, 100 women a year and around 30 men a year are killed within a domestic abuse context. Women are almost exclusively killed by men whereas in contrast approximately one third of the men are killed by other men and a little under a third are killed by women against whom they have a documented history of abuse.
Many men who experience domestic abuse from a current or former partner find it difficult to get support; not least because it can be hard for men to acknowledge and discuss their experiences. This can be due to any number of reasons, including love for a partner, embarrassment or shame and concern for any children, or simply not knowing where to go.
Men may attempt different techniques to cope. Coping strategies including adopting an ‘I can handle this' attitude and adapting their behaviour to appease the abuser. Coping strategies like this may make life temporarily safer and easier but they are unlikely to stop the abuse.

An abused women is often overwhelmed by fear, which can govern her every move – a fear of: further violence, the unknown, her safety and the safety of her children – do not underestimate the effects of fear

She often believes that she is at fault and that by changing her behaviour the abuse will stop. Research shows that this is not the case

She may experience a conflict of emotions. She may love her partner, but hate the violence. She may live in hope that his good side will reappear

She may be dependent upon her partner, emotionally and financially

She may experience feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment

She may feel resigned and hopeless and find it hard to make decisions about her future

Talk to her and help her to open up. You may have to try several times before she will confide in you

Try to be direct and start by saying something like,“I’m worried about you because …..” or“I’m concerned about your safety…”

Do not judge her

Listen to and believe what she tells you – too often people do not believe a woman when she first discloses abuse

Reassure her that the abuse is not her fault and that you are there for her

Don’t tell her to leave or criticise her for staying. Although you may want her to leave, she has to make that decision in her own time. It is important to remember that research shows an abused woman is at most risk at the point of separation and immediately after leaving an abusive partner

Leaving takes a great deal of strength and courage. An abused woman often faces huge obstacles such as nowhere to go, no money and no-one to turn to for support

Focus on supporting her and building her self confidence

Acknowledge her strengths and frequently remind her that she is coping well with a challenging and stressful situation

An abused woman is often very isolated and has no meaningful support – help her to develop or to keep up her outside contacts. This can help to boost her self esteem.

If she has not spoken to anyone else, encourage her to seek the help of a local domestic violence agency that understands what she is going through and offers specialist support and advice

Be patient. It can take time for a woman to recognise she is being abused and even longer to take be able to take safe and permanent decisions about what to do. Recognising the problem is an important first step

A woman’s safety and the safety of her children is paramount

Talk to her about how she and her children can keep safe

Help her to stay safe:

• Agree a code word or action that is only known to you both so she can signal when she is in danger and cannot access help herself
• Don’t make plans for her yourself, but encourage her to think about her safety more closely and focus on her own needs rather than his
• Find out information about local services for her; offer to keep spare sets of keys or important documents, such as passports, benefit books, in a safe place for her so that she can access them quickly in an emergency

Encourage her to think of ways in which she can increase the safety of her children

Remember that it isn’t children’s responsibility to protect their mother. In an emergency they could call for help from the police, go to a neighbour, or a relative or someone they trust.

When you look at someone how can you tell if they are a victim of domestic abuse? When you look at me can you see a victim of domestic abuse? No? Well I married a man who emotionally, verbally, financially & psychologically abused me throughout our marriage. Then every partner I have had since has abused me since. Is that my fault? Is it a pattern?

This is why I am happier alone.

We all have a responsibility to stop this, if you or someone you know is being abused please, please get help.

Possibly more fun in the next blog xx

Have you missed me????

Sorry I haven't written for a while, sometimes life just takes over, but I am sorry that I have neglected you :(
Anyway back to it, I havent dated at all since the chef....the limp & man bag just put me off.....well it would really!
This blog isn't really about me dating, sorry, this is more about what my life is like at the moment, I find it quite theraputic to write about everything & sometimes you just have to get it out there to let it go.
So the past 12 months have actually been a bit shitty for me, I had a bit of a breakdown last May, to the point where I just wanted to end it all, but thankfully I have such a strong network of family around me that they got me through it. Certain things made me very unhappy & some people brought me to breaking point, but I have realised that the problem isn't mine it is actually theirs.
If you don't already know I suffer with depression & I have done for about 19 years, I have no problem discussing mental health issues, some people never have any issues but some people have major ones. I am one of those that has some big problems dealing with depression, this doesn't mean that I am constantly weeping & wailing, unless you know me well you probably wouldn't even know that I suffer with depression. Just because I have depression doesn't mean that I can't laugh & joke, people with mental health issues do still have a sense of humour.

Ok so you now all know that I have depression, probably the reason why I have been so quiet for a while. But I have actually been quite busy, we have had the builders in renovating the estate where I live.....quite nice to look at until they open their mouths! So we have been living in a building site for the past year, mud, dirt & more mud. Walking the dog has been interesing, especially as he tends to walk me. I have only managed to fall over the once, but I was covered in mud & all anyone was interested in was if the dog is ok!!!!! Yes he is fine, but my bum is bruised!

I have spent alot of time thinking over my past & the disasterous relationships that I get into & the possible reasons why......I mean lets face it, I have been with a control freak, a married man, a stalker, a verbal/mental abusive man & some general weirdos. So what is it that drawers them to me???? I think it might be because I actually suffer from low self esteem, but think about this when you feel low about yourself you arent actually strong enough to deal with the blood suckers out there, now I am strong enough I actually don't want to deal with them! I am happy as a strong independent women & I like the fact that I can actually do as I want.

Don't get me wrong, I love dating, it makes life interesting, but I am not one of these needy women that have to have a man. I know women that will happily settle for anyone, but I will not settle. I want someone perfect for me, someone that accepts all my faults, lets me have my freedom & can cope with the fact that I am very close to my family.....OMG I know who this perfect man is.....its my DOG!!!!!

I know women that like men they can control, but I like my men to have a backbone, no-one really wants some drippy bloke that you can walk all over, wheres the fun in that, wheres the passion. I have truly loved one man & he was a mans man, he could stand up to me & my mistake was to love him too much, he didn't love me back. I will always look back at that relationship with rose tinted glasses, even though I know just how dangerous he was.

Well hopefully the next time I write it will be full of humour & not so much about my mental health. But should you want to know anything, groups, where to get help from just ask. As long as we all help each other we can get through this.

Bye xx

Chef

Ok so I thought I would dip my toe in the dating water yet again. I started seeing a chef, due to his hours of work I never saw him till late at night & only once a week, which suited me as I can be a bit lazy when it comes to anything interfering in my home life.
Well he seemed like the perfect gentleman, always letting me walk before him, thats right walk 5 paces behind me I am the boss! Opening doors, taking me to dimly lit romantic places. About time I hear you scream....
Anyway, we never really managed to see much of each other so we decided to meet up at covent garden during the school holidays for a day out, lunch, drinks that sort of thing. I managed to get there first & just text to say where I would meet him, oh shit how would I recognise him in the daylight........!
Oh hell I couldn't miss him....he had a man bag & a limp how has this happened to me. Ok drink is the only way to get through the day.....

How did I end up getting back into dating??

I suppose I should tell you all about how come I have ended up dating in my forties, what I hear you scream you are in your forties??? I know people I am looking good! And yes I have a sense of humour to go along with it!
Anyway, you all know how it goes, boy meets girl, boy marries girl, HUGE white wedding, well pink really, life returns to normal!
Really my ex husband & I were far to young to get married, when I look at my daughter now I cant imagine her getting married in 2 years time but I was only 20 & as silly as arseholes! But we got married, I should have just had a 21st party that year, it would have been cheaper! Thankfully 12 years after we got divorced my ex has finally agreed that we were just to young.
I am thankful that we had our 2 kids, ok so they drive me insane but I wouldn't change a thing & they are my whole world.
So the ex & I are married, mortgaged & have 2 kids, time to grow up, well that ends up being the woman's job & the men just carry on going out, drinking, playing football & so it happens chasing women!
Now the ex started off as a nice guy but somewhere along the line he became what can only be classed as a knob! Thankfully my mum brought me up to realise that revenge is silent.....ladies this is where you start taking notes:
If he comes in late - take his toothbrush in your right hand & proceed to the toilet, what you will now do is clean it, really give it a good scrub, well you aren't going to kiss him any time soon are you?
If he dares to answer you back - toothbrush again, for this you need a pet of some sort, dogs are the best, cos your dog will now be the only one in your street with minty fresh breath.
Whoops dropped his steak on the floor, quick brush it off, put it on his plate & watch him really enjoy his dinner.
Ok so that is all quite childish but it realy does make you feel so much better......
After 9 years of marriage it sadly ended, these things happen & it was actually no-ones fault just one of those things.
But then after brushing myself off, picking myself up I am back to the dating game & along the way I have met many absolute knobs & had some extremley funny dates & some met some interesting people. But utimately I am still single, but that is actually how I like it.
I have learnt some valuable lessons & learnt about myself & the things I like & the men that I am attracted to I just hope you enjoy the ride!