Sometimes you just know when its time to get back to your normal self & for me it was over the last 5 days. I just had an epiphany, it actually happen at about 4pm on Thursday last week......
Now some of you would know that I was seeing a widower during the summer & I thought it was going quite well, I met his step children, I met his late wifes in laws, then out of the blue at the beginning of September he told me that were weren't having a relationship we were just friends! Well I don't know about you, but I do NOT sleep with my male friends, I do NOT cuddle up with my male friends & I do NOT hold hands with my male friends.
There was a lot building up at this point, everything got on top of me & I had a breakdown. My work was so good to me, I had 5 weeks off of work, my family was supportive & my friends were as always just wonderful & gradually with all this love & support I have gotten better, I wouldn't say I was 100% but I am getting there.
Now back to last Thursday, my phone rang & it was this widower telling me that he had missed me & that he now wanted to have a relationship with me.......now just one cotten picking minute you need a little bit of background on this man......
He has been married 5 times, the last wife passed away 2 months after they married & left him with her two children, one of which is disable. He met her in Febuary 2012, married her 10 months later & she passed away a year after meeting him, he knew she was ill & I can understand that she needed to make sure her children were cared for as her family would only take on the able bodied child. She always had a man living with her, she was never single, to me that smacks of desperation & it just seems as if she was looking for someone to care for her children. You can never know someone well enough after just a few months, he moved in with her after two days of knowing her. All this information came from him & the little girls carer who I knew.
Less than a month after she had passed away he was dating again, using a dating website & letting different women stay over, how confusing must that have been for those poor children, mind you I suppose that is what they were used to with their mother. My friend got in touch with me & said could she give him my number, at this point I knew nothing about him, I didn't even know how long he had been married for or how long he had be widowed for. He told me all about it all when we went out for dinner, then came the text messages all day long & him wanting to see me everyday. I spent all summer with him & his step children, who I got on with. The only thing I really wasn't happy with was they way he spoke to the eldest girl, he was always telling her that her mum hated her & that if she didn't behave he would have her put in care.
The relationship ended, by me, when he told me that we were just friends.....
Out of the blue one day he got in touch to tell me that someone had got in touch with social services & complained about the way he spoke to the children, I knew then he was trying to find out if it was me, it wasn't but I had to agree with the person that did get in touch with them. Personally I would have spoken to him myself. Of course this young girl was acting up, she had lost her mum, had to deal with watching her mum be so very ill & accept a new man in her mums life who she was told to call dad, her biological dad had only been back in her life for a month before this new man arrived on the scene. An adult would have trouble dealing with this but a child of 12 is of course going to be confused by it.
Now with that information back to last Thursday, so he tells me he now wants a relationship with me, but he still wants to be able to text different women he has met online.....errrr NO! I knew straight away that I didn't want him in my life or anything to do with him, but I made him wait until I was ready to tell him. During this time he told me that the so called mutual friend had shown him text messages I had sent her when I was hurting in September, now I can say these were not nice texts, they were mean, who hasn't sent text messages to a friend slagging an ex off? So I brooded all weekend on this & then decided that if I didn't confront them both it would eat away at me & affect my mental health again & there is no way I am risking that. I decided that I would go to his house when I finished work on Monday night........
I was invited in & offered a cup of tea, no thank you I'm not stopping. I asked him what he wanted to talk to me about & he started telling me that he wanted a relationship with me but only if he could carry on texting other women. I stopped him then & told him that I was sorry but I didn't want a relationship with him but I had the balls to tell him to his face not over a text message. I then told him that I had to go. As I was leaving I turned to my "friend" & said that to her that I was really disappointed in her because she had shown him text messages between the two of us. He then started shouting me down, that she hadn't so I told him that he had told me that she had, he said she told me about them & I just looked at him & said that is as bad & that no friend would do that if they actually were a friend. He then started shouting at me that I wasn't a friend anyway as it was me that reported him to social services, I told him that no it wasn't & if he thought that about me then why had he said he wanted a relationship with me? No answer, surprise surprise! I opened the front door to leave & said to him that I was going to wish him luck with his court case on Wednesday, he is going for guardianship of these children, but I really didn't think he should have them as he didn't deserve them & he was only keeping them to keep a roof over his head & the benefits that he got for them. Then I walked out & shut the door. THe front door opened & he shouted after me that I needed to go & take another pill, I turned around, smiled at him & told him that I was feeling great as I had taken two that morning!
I kept my dignity, held my head high, didn't swear once & walked away. I actually felt as if a great weight had been lifted from me. I hadn't lost a friend & a potential partner I had gained my self respect & got myself back.
The only thing that actually worries me is the children that are left in his care, he has a criminal record for violence against women & if the older one really rebels then I fear for her, but I just hope that the authorities do what they are supposed to do & make sure she is ok.
And that my friends is how I have got back to being me!
xx
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