Say what you mean......

Men, a lot of you complain that no one (good) responds to your online profile.
That’s probably because you are using specific words that are important, not because of what you think they mean, but because what they say to us, the women reading your profiles. To assist you, I have identified and defined the top 11. You’ll thank me later.

What You Men Say in your Profile, What it Means to Us Women

1. Laid back –Every. Guy. Says. This. Also, every girl interprets this in their own way. For example, I interpret it to mean “lazy.” A friend of mine thinks it means you want us to be ok with you flirting excessively with other girls. Laid back will never mean anything good, same goes with “down to earth,” and sometimes “open minded,” but…

2. Open minded – You like anal. Or you’re a liberal. It’s the same really though, isn’t it?

3. “Eternal,” “beautiful moments” or “sensitive” – You cry a lot. Especially when you don’t get your way.

4. Looking to just hang out-You will be calling us only for sex.

5. Looking to take it slow- You want to get married, or at least date seriously right away.

6. Looking to get married -You are a crazy person, or foreign.

7. Soulmate or snuggling- Just…just no. Nobody REALLY uses those words, unless they are talking to their five year old or watching a Lifetime movie. Some women will read those words and interpret them as romantic. 99% of women will interpret this as unrealistic and delusional.

8. No drama- I am fairly closed off to my emotions, but this doesn’t stop me from going after girls who are incredibly high maintenance.

9. Looking for an independent woman-I’d like you to have a job that supports you. Please. It’s 2009.

10. Partner in crime :) -I’d like you not only to approve of everything I do, please do it with me. (I was mystified by this and had to ask a few guys)

11. “Work out,” “fit,” “athletic”- YES, we get it. No fatties. No chubbies. No ladies who are larger than a size 4. We get it, but you need to be realistic......REAL women are curvy!!!!

To be fair, now let’s do a female version.

What Women Say on Their Profiles, and What It Really Means

First, may I say after having gone through many female profiles, men, I am sorry. Women DO want a lot. At least the ones I looked at did. The following is a fairly typical excerpt: You have to be funny - I'm completely yours if you make me laugh! Not to brag, but I'm SMARTER than a primary school kid so you have to be damn near MENSA to hang with me. I like being active and adventurous, so you have to be the same -- Sorry! What I'm most attracted to is a boy next door with high morals, values, and principles. I want someone that I can bring home to my family... :)

Wow. That is specific. Anyway, the ladies profiles tend to be more original and at least SOUND more sincere. They also have a higher propensity to quote Dr. Suess. I’m not sure what that means, scientifically. But seriously, I could only find 3 constants that seem to mean the same thing to everyone:

1. I really like Twilight-I’ll ultimately be ok with an abusive relationship (kidding, ladies, kidding)

2. Assertive, “goal-oriented,” mature-please have a job that allows you to support yourself without living with your parents or mooching off of me.

3. Looking for a “special” (or unique) guy-I would like you to tell me I’m special or unique.
Why do women have such differences when every online guy profile seems to be the same guy with a different picture? Because the women I saw online were very, very direct and clear in conveying who they were and what they wanted. One woman said specifically: I do NOT want to be the dominant one in the relationship. I will NOT email you first. Ok, lady.
So I’m proud of you, women. Sure, your profiles went into almost painful detail about your daily schedule and how often you travel. Sure, you composed medium to long lists of what you don’t want in a man. At least you put your true self out there. But guys, you have the advantage because you can see who these ladies really are, and what they really want. And that’s what online dating is truly about.

What a Weekend......

Morning nutjobs, its Monday morning & I suppose I should tell you all about my weekend & the BIG date.....well I would tell you if it had happened!

What can I say, I thought that just maybe I would get a date this weekend, lets face it I put myself out there & gave myself the horrors by actually asking someone if they wanted to go for a drink, there has been banter, I got a yes....then NOTHING!

So lets get a few things sorted shall we, if we women put it out there by asking YOU out then if you say yes, set a date to do it! If you aren't actually interested then just say no! Same as you would to drugs.....hang on I think I can feel a song coming on!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2nq8DzYToE&safe=active

Anyway I digress......I did go for a bit of bribery this weekend, I baked just to get something off the builders & I wasted so much time just watching them. Sometimes you just have to watch to perk your day up!

I even put make up on on a Saturday! For goodness sake that is unheard of unless I have somewhere to go! The anti roll knickers came out just to give me a more comfortable day & they hold me in, 2 kids & cake have made me curvaceous, what a waste of make up & my good undies! I sometimes wonder why I bother!

Believe it or not guys we like comfort more that anything else, so if a woman tells you she is wearing sexy underwear just to talk to you on the phone she is lying.....she is probably in her apple catchers, with no make up on & dirty hair....sorry have I destroyed the illusion??? Well I am sorry but thongs aren't very comfortable unless you are going out & don't want a visible panty line! And why on would anyone want to wear a g-string.....its like a cheese slice & there is nowhere for your cellulite to hide! Men can you please tell me would you rather something was left to the imagination or not? Personally I feel sexier in french knickers.......but that is just my choice! Ladies its time to stand up & say NO! We want comfort!!!!

I really digressed this morning didn't I???? Sorry, but sometimes you just have to get it off your chest lol.
Have a great week everyone & hopefully I will have updates for you this week......xx

Oh Oer Sargent!

Well what can I say, I went on a date with a Sargent in the Army, just a drink, well diet pepsi for me! He seemed like a very nice man, grown up....for a change! But then he broke one of the rules, he started talking about his ex wife....I managed to only glaze over the once, now thats good for me! But remember, we don't mind finding out that you are single, divorced, separated, but please don't spend the whole evening talking about the ex! It is so off putting.

Now he was obviously still bitter, so in that respect he is not ready for any sort of relationship. In my own way, I was nice, I suggested that we would be better of staying just friends. Now I wouldn't mind but he was FIT!

Anyway, staying as friends is not an issue for me but it seems it might just be for some other people....this is what happened........

Now the Sargent decided to text me the following day, just chatty stuff, how was my day, how was work, what was I doing that sort of thing. Now those of you that know me well will know that I go to bed early, so I explained that I was just going to bed as I get up at around 5am for work. So he is still texting, fine I think, I will say goodnight & hopefully that will be it. All of a sudden I get another text but this is a video image.....now please understand that women like flowers, chocolates, we don't want to see a video of you playing with your rather small man bits! Especially when it looks like a button mushroom! All I could think was JESUS CHRIST IN A SIDECAR!!!! Yes I watched it! It would be rude not to really! But I deleted it, I know I am meant to send it on to all my girlfriends, but holy cow! Why in gods name would anyone send something like that to someone who is just meant to be a friend?????? But what really amused me was the fact that he was in uniform & in his office!

I have to say that this sort of thing does nothing for me! I mean what the hell was he thinking, did he really think we could be friends if he was going to send this sort of thing to me????? Now this is one man that is deleted........

Rules of Dating.....

Ok so we all know about stay safe when dating, making sure that someone knows where you are but there are some other rules to follow....
I have spoken to men & women about this so this is coming from both sides......enjoy!

He asks, she pays: The one traditional dating "do" that still stands is the general belief that men are supposed to make the first move. However women are now offering to pay on the first date. Men did you hear that? If you ask us out for dinner, we might just foot the bill. Sounds like a win-win situation to us!

 All it takes is 15 minutes: And no I am not talking about sex! Minds out of the gutter             people!!! To decide if you & your date have chemistry. Apparently 31% of both men & women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide. Worried that your next date will bail if they are not into you, don't only 12% of singles would actually leave before the night was over and even I wouldn't do that & lets face it I go on some awful dates!

Honesty is still the best policy: Not enjoying your date? Tell him or her! Whats the point of spending an evening with someone who is grating on your last nerve. No-one gets anything our of being dishonest & you never know when you'll run into then again in later life......can you imagine if you have told them you are emigrating & you then bump into them! LOL

Don't go all the way: At least not until well after your first date! Holding out on your date builds mystery, and if your date can get it all in one night why would they bother wanting round two? Personally, I make sure my legs need shaving & my underwear doesn't match, that why no-one is getting a look at me!

Its ok to follow up: Its just a matter of when? Most women like to follow up within 24 hours, men like to play it cool and can sometimes make women wait for up to 3 days.....Right I like to send a brief text thanking the man for a lovely evening, the lines of communication are then open. Men if you make us wait for up to 3 days we are going off the boil & we lose interest. We don't need to be bombarded with texts, emails etc but just a hi how are you is nice!!!

Yes you can Facebook friend your date: Ah social media.....do you or don't you facebook your date? Personally I like to see what they have on their facebook, but then I am extremely nosy! But do you wait until the relationship is established before you friend them?

Spend time with your friends: Don't forget you have friends! And don't shove your new date down your friends throats, we are pleased for you but we don't need all the details of every little thing they have said to you....

The past is the past: We all have a past, we all have ex's, some more than others....yes I mean me! But if you are still bitter about your ex then you aren't ready to date anyone else. Your date will glaze over if you go on about how nasty & evil the ex is, yes we know they are thats why you are back dating! Remember your dating history is a bit like your cv, make it interesting but keep it short. Its not this is your life. Your date wants to know about you!

Listen: Be attentive, listen to your date, ask questions, find out what the other person likes. Use open questions, you don't want a yes or no answer, remember you are both nervous. This is like a job interview!

Drink: Do not get drunk! That is so unattractive in a man or a woman! Control yourself, if you think you need dutch courage you are definitely are not ready for this!

Keep it simple: you don't have to spend a fortune to impress anyone, a simple lunch, a walk in the park, a visit to a museum can be lovely places to start & it will give you chance to get to know each other. Or you can go all out, hire a limo & buy bottles of champagne, but thats if you are taking me out...oh I like flowers, chocolates & cocktails!

Remember enjoy yourself, but not too much!

A couple of tales from other people.

I was told a couple of dating stories this week, I am not going to name the person who told me, but needless to say I found them very funny so I thought I would share them with all my lovely nutjobs......

A friend of mine went on a first date, please remember it was a FIRST date, my friend is male so this is from his point of view. He & the female decided that they would go for a country walk, all is going well, they are chatting & strolling, both wearing sensible shoes.....well no point in wearing a decent pair in case of mud!
They decided to go for a bit to eat & as they were near the females home, they both went back there first to tidy themselves up, she needed to put something more suitable for a restaurant & he needed to get the mud off his shoes.
While he is wiping the mud from his shoes, she calls him to come into another room, where he finds her, stark naked laying on her bed.......After he managed to get his jaw from the floor he told her he had something in the van for her & would be right back......he got in the van & went home! Moral of this story.......hold something back ladies! Lol

This is a story from the same person but about his sister.....Now is sister has been on a couple of dates with this one particular guy, he has now invited her to his house for a meal. How romantic I hear you saying, but wait what is this, our female is sitting at the table waiting to be served when the gentleman enters the room wearing nothing but his apron, stockings, suspenders, french knickers & a bra.......needless to say there was no sausage for dinner that evening!

Sometimes hearing other peoples stories makes me feel so much better about my terrible dates!

But an update on the guy that stood me up.....he has deleted my number & told me that I am not funny, is this man stupid? Of course I am funny, I must have a sense of humour I was going to let him take me out!

I do have some classic comebacks to share with you all but I will publish those later x

Fear

Have you ever stood in a room full of people & felt so alone that you have such a pain in your chest that it actually feels like your heart is breaking? I have.
Most days I can be surrounded by people & still feel so lonely that I wonder if anyone notices that I am there or if they would miss me if I wasn't. Don't worry I am not talking about killing myself, just not being there for anyone anymore.
I sit alone at work, it's quite lonely being a receptionist, surprisingly, people come & go but they are never there long enough to talk to.
I come home, I cook dinner, I eat alone, I put the other two dinners in the microwave till the kids want theirs, I watch a bit of tv, then go to bed only to wake up & do it all over again. I know I'm not the only person that feels like this, but when it's you then it feels like it is.
My biggest fear, apart from any harm coming to my kids, is that I will die alone, I know that I am lucky that I have a close family around me, but in that last moment doesn't everyone want that one love to be there telling them that it will be ok, that they will always love them.
Is it so wrong to want it all, to keep my independence but to have someone that at the end of the day is there to listen to your day, to pour that glass of wine, to tell you that they love you? Or is that just movie talk?
Maybe the films have spoilt it all for us all, we want everything & if it isn't like the movies then it isn't enough for us?
Me I suppose I will keep kissing frogs looking for my prince & make sure my glass slipper is safe, just in case.
But still there is that undercurrent of fear that I will end my days alone, with just my books for company......

Errors of judgement....

Last week I published a blog that was never meant to hurt anybody, but the person it was about read it & feelings were hurt.
I did apologise to him, both publicly & privately. I had been looking forward to going on a date, not for your amusement of course, but because this is someone that I get on with & I like. This now has become a non starter for me.
So I have realised that I need to take more care when writing my blogs, I must think before I hit that publish button.
But as a caution to you all.....please read all the blogs, put what I am saying into perspective. I am not being malicious, I just tend to see the humour in the dates that I go on.

What makes a good date though?
Timekeeping is a good start, thinking about the person you are taking out, check that they will enjoy paint balling & that you tell them where they are going to be going? That way I won't have my high heels on if I should be wearing my trainers.....no I don't want to do a tandem bungee jump or see your stamp collection, you don't have to talk all the time, listening is good. I don't want to hear about your terrible past relationships, it's in the past for a reason, I don't need to share all my past learning curves, just so you are aware I never mistakes I only have learning curves.....
Be positive, be upbeat, but don't think you have to be entertain me all the time, sometimes quiet it good. Think about what it was that attracted you to the other person.
But finally enjoy the date & be yourself, there is no point pretending to be something you aren't you will get found out in the long run......