Say what you mean......

Men, a lot of you complain that no one (good) responds to your online profile.
That’s probably because you are using specific words that are important, not because of what you think they mean, but because what they say to us, the women reading your profiles. To assist you, I have identified and defined the top 11. You’ll thank me later.

What You Men Say in your Profile, What it Means to Us Women

1. Laid back –Every. Guy. Says. This. Also, every girl interprets this in their own way. For example, I interpret it to mean “lazy.” A friend of mine thinks it means you want us to be ok with you flirting excessively with other girls. Laid back will never mean anything good, same goes with “down to earth,” and sometimes “open minded,” but…

2. Open minded – You like anal. Or you’re a liberal. It’s the same really though, isn’t it?

3. “Eternal,” “beautiful moments” or “sensitive” – You cry a lot. Especially when you don’t get your way.

4. Looking to just hang out-You will be calling us only for sex.

5. Looking to take it slow- You want to get married, or at least date seriously right away.

6. Looking to get married -You are a crazy person, or foreign.

7. Soulmate or snuggling- Just…just no. Nobody REALLY uses those words, unless they are talking to their five year old or watching a Lifetime movie. Some women will read those words and interpret them as romantic. 99% of women will interpret this as unrealistic and delusional.

8. No drama- I am fairly closed off to my emotions, but this doesn’t stop me from going after girls who are incredibly high maintenance.

9. Looking for an independent woman-I’d like you to have a job that supports you. Please. It’s 2009.

10. Partner in crime :) -I’d like you not only to approve of everything I do, please do it with me. (I was mystified by this and had to ask a few guys)

11. “Work out,” “fit,” “athletic”- YES, we get it. No fatties. No chubbies. No ladies who are larger than a size 4. We get it, but you need to be realistic......REAL women are curvy!!!!

To be fair, now let’s do a female version.

What Women Say on Their Profiles, and What It Really Means

First, may I say after having gone through many female profiles, men, I am sorry. Women DO want a lot. At least the ones I looked at did. The following is a fairly typical excerpt: You have to be funny - I'm completely yours if you make me laugh! Not to brag, but I'm SMARTER than a primary school kid so you have to be damn near MENSA to hang with me. I like being active and adventurous, so you have to be the same -- Sorry! What I'm most attracted to is a boy next door with high morals, values, and principles. I want someone that I can bring home to my family... :)

Wow. That is specific. Anyway, the ladies profiles tend to be more original and at least SOUND more sincere. They also have a higher propensity to quote Dr. Suess. I’m not sure what that means, scientifically. But seriously, I could only find 3 constants that seem to mean the same thing to everyone:

1. I really like Twilight-I’ll ultimately be ok with an abusive relationship (kidding, ladies, kidding)

2. Assertive, “goal-oriented,” mature-please have a job that allows you to support yourself without living with your parents or mooching off of me.

3. Looking for a “special” (or unique) guy-I would like you to tell me I’m special or unique.
Why do women have such differences when every online guy profile seems to be the same guy with a different picture? Because the women I saw online were very, very direct and clear in conveying who they were and what they wanted. One woman said specifically: I do NOT want to be the dominant one in the relationship. I will NOT email you first. Ok, lady.
So I’m proud of you, women. Sure, your profiles went into almost painful detail about your daily schedule and how often you travel. Sure, you composed medium to long lists of what you don’t want in a man. At least you put your true self out there. But guys, you have the advantage because you can see who these ladies really are, and what they really want. And that’s what online dating is truly about.