So after 9 years of marriage I all of a sudden became single, so what do you do? Lose weight & start partying like a teenager, oh hang on I am still partying like a teenager, well sometimes. A mum from school that I had worked with in the past asked me if I would go on a double date, my date was her blokes mate, I had never met him or even knew his name, but I am game for a laugh to why not.
The day of the date came round & there I am dolled up to the nines in a tight skirt, rock chick top & boots, I had the rock chick look going on well before it became trendy...so ahead of my time! Anyway, just as I am about to leave I get a phone call from my friend she can't make it her nan has died, bit bloody selfish really I was looking forward to going out & having a good time......Bugger this I thought I am going anyway! I went & met these 2 men, I knew one of them I dont just go out with strangers!
Remember I only knew one of them & please remember I am only 5 foot tall, so the scene is now set, I am glammed up to the nines in high heeled boots & my date is about 5 foot tall & about 5 foot wide & his arms were just too short to go round his body....Oh dear god what must my so called friend think I am looking for! But as I was now out i may as well have a meal & make the most of it.
Off we go on the train, yes I paid for my own ticket, to Windsor....oh posh night out I hear you say, no Chicago's that lovely meat market but a free meal is a free meal. Of course I made sure another friend knew where I was going but thankfully I am very good at looking surprised when she turned up with her mates, I of course thanked the 2 men for the meal then managed to ditch them!!
The night is young lets get drunk & have a good time....So many fit men, so little time! One young bloke told me he was getting married & did I want to see why his girlfriend was marrying him then proceeded to drop his trousers....I asked him them if his girlfriend had small hands???
All of a sudden I realised that I didn't have enough money to get a cab home, drank it, woops! Missed the last train & ditched the date!!! Oh hell how am I going to get home, these boots were not made for walking! Don't worry says my friend, N's boyfriend is picking us up in his van, I will have to get in the back but thats ok. Now men with vans, builders, plumbers, couriers.....no not this one its a bloody funeral van & I have to get in the back & sit next to a bloody coffin!
As soon as I think we are nearly at my house I just yell to stop the van & let me out I will walk the rest of the way, the sliding side door gets opened on the wrong bloody side & I have to climb over the coffin to get out, now remember that my skirt is skin tight so I shimmied over the coffin & tottered home in my boots, giggling all the way & no I never did see the blind date again......
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