Some Changes

I know you haven't heard from me for quite a while, but there have been so many changes in my life that I am afraid I have neglected you :(

This blog will no longer be about my dating life, I have been in a relationship for the past 10 months & it is going very well. So this will mainly be about me, my life, sometimes my friends & family, my work - what I can tell you about that & just chat in general really.

As some of you will know my life has been interesting, thankfully with age I have mellowed. When I was younger I was sharp, snappy & sometimes plain nasty to people, I know my faults though & no matter what I have always cared. Now some of you may say that I am getting everything I deserve, but do you really know what has gone on in my life or have you just listened to the rumours? Shall I put it all out there? Lay myself bare & then be judged? But remember "let him without sin cast the first stone".

Ok so I am divorced, my ex husband & I had a stupid row over floorboards of all things, but he had left me twice before & why should my children have to listen to abuse towards their mother? After he left the 3rd time my son told my mum that he was glad he had gone as there would be no more shouting.
It was really quite tramatic around this time, I couldn't cope, I hit rock bottom & when someone I worked with asked me on a date I said yes, something I never usually would have done. When my "husband" said he wanted a divorce I told him I was in no rush, he told me that I could divorce him for adultry with an un-named person or he would divorce me for adultry with an un-named person, as I was not going to waste money I didn't have on a divorce I let him divorce me. He even tried to make sure that the divorce papers were delivered to me on christmas eve, they arrived the week leading up to christmas.
He decided that he wasn't going to pay anything towards his children, I begged him to pay the mortgage so I could keep them stable in the family home, but he refused. He said he would pay me off & take over the mortgage but that was all he would do. I actually refused to do that. Then he decided that the house had to be sold, rather than be repossessed. This meant that we had to find somewhere to live, we ended up privately renting. When the house was sold, he took £5k, I paid the solicitors fees & then I was left with approx £10k to house the kids & I. We moved into a little garden flat that left alot to be desired. We didn't have a table to eat at so I used to put a table cloth over boxes & tell the kids we were having an adventure, I have some great memories of them when they were younger. It was this flat we discovered Harry Potter & our love of all those characters began.
All this time I was taking anti depressants, but everyday you have to get up & get on with it & we had to move again as my landlord decided to sell up. We found a lovely little house with a garden local so the kids could stay at the same school. I made friends in the road that we moved to & I even met a man through them. Sounds idyllic doesn't it? Well it wasn't, I started drinking & drink & anti depressents do not mix. I did so many things that I am not proud off, I would get drunk during the day, I would collect the kids from school drunk, I would drive drunk. But & this is a huge BUT I always made sure my kids had full bellies, clean bodies, clean clothes & knew they were loved. I always took them on trips oout, thorpe park, london, wherever I could, I always liked to include my nephew as well as it gave us a nice round number.
All this time their dad refused to pay maitenance for them, he told the CSA that he couldn't afford to, I was recieving £2.70 per week for each of my children. I didn't want to claim benefits but I actually didn't have any choice. Thankfully my parents made sure that we always had food in the house. Some months I would do things with the kids & wouldn't pay the bills but my kids have wonderful memories & thankfully my parents picked up the pieces.
They always saw their dad, every other weekend. When we first parted I did say to him that we could've kept the house going with him moving in there at weekends to be with the kids & I would move into my parents, but he didn't want to know. I found out later why, he had met a woman. He had actually met her while we were still married. He had gone to Swanage with a friend of his for the weekend & she had followed him back this way & chased him, she knew he had a wife & kids but that is all in the past.
Still I was drinking, this actually went on for a year, it was a year too long, I was probably a couple of drinks away from alcoholism. I am very open & honest about this. I drank, I was a drunk. I neglected my kids while I was drinking. Never once did the authorities get involved, never once did the school get involved, never once did ANYONE make any attempt to take my kids away from me. Yes they probably should have gone on an at risk register but NO-ONE was interested. Including it felt like family. I felt alone.
I was still seeing this man that I had been introduced to & to my utter shame I knew he was married but due to the amount I was drinking I didn't care. Around this time I decided that I would go back to college to study English & maths, I had passed them at school but I was bored at home so this was a good way to pass the time. While I was studying I eased off the drink & began to see what my life was like. I also managed to make a complete break from the destructive relationship I was in. I might not have been bothered about him having a wife but I was bothered when he got himself another girlfriend.
Around this time my landlord decided to sell up & that meant the kids & I would be homeless again, thankfully the council put us into tempory accomodation, it moved us away from the friends I had made & made me reavaluate everything. I also decided that it was time to go back to work. I spoke to my ex husband & explained that he had to realistically provide for the kids, he did but this was as little as he could pay. He told the CSA that he lived in Brighton with his partner & travelled back to heathrow daily to work, everyone knew he was living at his parents house in Surrey. But he will always have to live with the fact that he lied to keep hold of his money. I managed to get myself a part time job that fitted in with the kids school hours, they went into afterschool clubs for about an hour a day & for some of the school holidays. Life was improving, I stopped drinking, I did more with the kids, I was happier in myself.
I dated, it gave me time to be an adult, but I made sure the kids came first. When the kids were at their dads I would go & see a male friend that lived in Swindon. It fizzled out eventually as these things do & I carried on with my life with the kids. I rarely drank & rarely went out.

I eventually met someone else & without me wanting him too he moved himself into my home, he tried to take over my life & alienate me from my friends & family. After 18 months I found out that he was contacting other women on facebook & had spent all my money, more fool me for allowing him access to my money. My parents agreed to help me out as long as he went, so he was kicked to the kerb & life got back to normality. Not long after this I started this blog to catalouge my dating disasters. Then 10 months ago I met a man & BAM! life as I know it changed for the better, I am calmer, I am more relaxed. He makes me want to be a better person. I spend weekends with him, the kids are adults now so I can have more freedom. I don't know what the future will bring & for once I am not worrying about it.
There will be more from me, I need to tell you all about the breakdown I had last year. But until I write again, please stay safe x